Flowin' Poem

All the poetry I wrote today (yes....I know....I feel like I have forty-two personalities):

Thankful Anticipation

God, you rock,
The patient shepherd watching over his flock,
Even when I stray into the lion’s den,
You ignite in me a fire that flows through my pen,
Even when I lose the sight,
You open your arms wide and do not cease to invite,
Life is a never-ending mystery,
Through, you, God I can clearly see,
There is no spoon,
You put in me a joyous tune,
That cannot be brought down,
Not even by the gossip in this town,
I will never be bitter,
Even though I may jitter,
For I know I am in my chosen place,
You teach me to be patient; that slow and steady wins the race,
Despite my broken road,
Despite my heart that often feels like it will explode,
You bring my smile back,
Even when I haven’t quite got the knack,
I pray for more of your sovereign love,
That you will hatch in my heart the serene dove,
True “Hakuna Matata”,
Though I feel the end days growing hotta,
I do not truly see your full scope,
I still often grope,
About petty matters,
Putting my ear to the relentless chatter,
I care too much for the things of this world,
I know my true potential is still curled,
Hear my cry,
Make me the most humble of guy,
For I couldn’t last without your mercy,
And still I am constantly thirsty,
Show me who to comfort,
Help me pick myself up from the dirt,
So I pray that you lift me up,
That I would drink from your overflowing cup,
For you are first,
Even when I feel I’m cursed,
I know you are already by my side,
Because of you, I never have to hide....



Complacent in Mom’s Basement

I plan to write a poem,
I do not know what it will be about,
Maybe I’ll write in one of many eclectic forms.... except I don’t know ‘em,
Perhaps I shall write a masterpiece.... except I have all this self-doubt,

Instead I’ll write a book,
With complicated storylines,
With many dazzling and intricate characters.... except I wither with every doubter’s look,
Or what about one about a malignant ring... except I won’t be able to afford all the copyright fines,

I know- I’ll write a song,
Something that nobody has thought of before,
That has an amazing electric guitar riff... except that would mean I have to stop smoking the bong,
It’ll have cool electronic beeps.... except I have just one more glass of vodka to pour,

Yes- I’ll write a play,
Like a truly modern Shakespeare,
Snazzy dialogue zipping back and forth... except that would be the hard way,
Costumes lighting up the stage.... except I never makes’ it off my rear,

I keep saying to myself that I shall do these things,
That I will one day make something of me,
...Except I never have bothered to spread my wings,
I will never know what it means to be free...




Pariah Choir

How come every time I regain my joy?
The devil comes at me with a vengeance,
Why do I have to be the lonesome boy?
They can’t see through my chair; it doesn’t make sense,
Yet I know I don’t speak the truth,
Some do see passed my disease,
Yet I seem to be struggling claw-by-claw; tooth-by-tooth,
So I know these days are mine to seize,
And yeah, they could become my friends,
But they will never see me as their equal,
Yet you never know what will come around one of these bends,
But they don’t know who will inherit the earth: the meek will,
I will never have someone else’s head resting on my shoulder,
Indeed I am going around in circles,
Yet with every happiness followed by depression I feel colder,
I feel I must hide my head like those lonely turtles,
So God I ask,
That you bring me my joy again,
In your loving kindness I wish to bask,
For with them I’m only beggin’,
None of them could possibly understand,
Even my brothers seems to have left,
I have no clue of where to land,
My words fall on ears that appear to be deaf,
I’ve never known a brother or sister that hasn’t been distant,
All my bridges seem to be falling,
My repair crews are always met with resistance,
They all say that the place I am is supposed to be appalling,
I can’t seem to properly look on the bright side,
I always seem to see the bleak,
I have nobody here with me that is a guide,
I wish I could constantly stay on the highest peak,
For I’m always crashing,
I haven’t found what I’m looking floor,
I’ll never be among the handsome or dashing,
I always seem to be facing a slamming door...

Rockin' Dichotomy

Out with the old:

The Lost Hope
-The Crane

Every time I sit down to write,
I write about you,
But I’m gonna fight the urge with all of my might,
Even if I have to hold my breath until I turn Blú,
So I won’t even mention you with the most vague of metaphors,
I won’t even talk about other people; when I’m really talking about you,
Because every time we Cross paths it feels I’m just crashing into closing doors,
I keep on waiting for the sunset to take on a different hue,
I keep on wishing the birds would fly in a different direction,
That I’d finally be able to truly find you,
That when I gaze into a mirror I’d see more than just my own ugly and selfish reflection,
Instead I wake up to a world that is constantly unjust and eschew,
I try to find other things to preoccupy my mind,
So I try to be content with just watching you,
Yet as our eyes lock manacles constrict and bind,
They say I’ve sinned, so I went to confess in the pew,
And I felt God for a few fleeting moments of uninhibited flame,
But when he left all that was left were bitter memories of you,
Nothing in this life has ever left me feeling so lame,
And I feel rage felt only by a select few,
A rage that bubbles up inside like some kind of beast,
That won’t rest until he has you,
My mind won’t stop until his incessant howling has ceased,
The roaring inside my head just grew,
And I haven’t been able to stop writing,
Anger that was sparked by thoughts of you,
The voices that torment my temple have not stopped fighting,
I wish I could begin this all again anew,
But it seems I must let you be,
Even though no mortal’s beauty could compare to you,
I must have contentment; and that will set me free,
Yet none of the answers I’ve learned seem to be true....


In with the new:

Field of Queens

Lights dimmed low on a Friday night,
Rain and thunder rule as my chestfire begins to ignite,
Soaking spectators set sights on soccer,
Safe; no stains from the world or the deceptive mocker,
Youthful valkyries dart like beacons of hope,
Sparking joy in my heart before I fall into the dark slope,
When I was down,
They crowded round,
While one of their own has been felled,
They come to their aide; my frustration can’t help but be quelled,
Even when I fall into jealousy and self-pity,
But then you girls come and they’re are friends filling up my once lonely city,
You all share a unique gift,
You build bridges to this human rift,
Lady listeners,
Healing ministers,
I thank the heavens that we are all friends,
For because of you; I’m sure all my wounds will mend....

-Beloved

"Talkin' 'Bout My Generation"

Freinds...countrymen....lend me your ears!

(I didn't start this post with Dear Brothers....because I have people who are not a part of the male species...so I would not wish to exclude them...so I'm not gonna say to Brothers anymore...unless its something to do with guy talk (bom bom bom ba-dum bom bom ;))

Anyway...how is everyone doing? I hope we're doing alright....I've been up and down and all around....took my AP US History exam about two weeks ago...I feel pretty confident about it....but we'll see in July when I get my grade.....and last week I took my SATs for the first time...and I was sick (bleagh) so I'm really not confident about that...but hey.....come September....I can take it again....second chances are always a good thing.....lol....nvm........and other than that school is going pretty well......so yeah.....

Tommorow....my blog will have been in existense for a year. Happy First Birthday Phoenix Beacon! It's been a heaven of a year...lol....the fastest year that I have seen go passed....freshman and sophomore year dragged their feet soooo much...but this year...it was like...September......May.....YYYEEYYY.....it's been....an interesting Journey....voyage....it's probably been my easiest and my hardest year all at the same time.....the one with the most freinds...but also the one that I've felt the most lonely....the year that I've become really comfortable around girls....and also the year that I blubber and crash into things around them too...the hardest year academically....but also the year where I fell....hard....but where I picked myself up....
"Why do we fall, Master Bruce....So we can get back up...Alfred!"

To use a cliched Dicken's saying...it was the best of times, it was the worst of times! It's definetly been one heaven of a ride. So...to commemerate this blog's first birthday....I've decided to have....yup....you guys guessed it.......ANOTHER RANT!!! YESSSSS!!!!

So here goes: When I took my SATs....shhh...don't tell them I'm telling you the essay question...college board will come find me....Big Brother is watching.....anyway....it asked "are people who make the decisions in their lives, or is it their situations and society?" kind of a nature vs. nurture thing. And I had already been thinking about society's influence on us. (We're reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in English class...so yea....connections!!!) That got me thinking about my current generation......those that are within five years of me....both ways....and....I don't know. One word keeps on popping up in my head about my peers and others our age around the world....especially in America. You see, what annoys me most about those that are around me....usually...is the faults that I see in myself....sides of myself that I truly hate....that I wish to get rid of....so this is probably a product of that self-criticism...but it's Apathy. I mean, every generation before us has had a purpose....a reason....a cause....but now that we live in relative prosperity...for now....and we live in Westchester.....and most people agree with most other people on most everything....the biggest cause is whether we'll get to see American Idol tonight. I mean, there's no......I dunno....fire.........maybe it's because I'm a teenager...and I hang around teenagers most of the time (theoretically)..but it's like....they always seem to be talking about....other people's lives, or tv shows (scifi=0), or something to do with sex...like ooooo I like him sooo much...or hes soooo hot....and its like WAKE THE FRACK UP PEOPLE! WAKE UP DAVID....PICK YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR OSTRICH HOLE....AND GO HELP SOMEBODY....GO FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN....(SOMETHING OTHER THAN FEMALES OR MALES) WAKE-UP PEOPLE....THE WORLD'S ABOUT TO GO TO WAR....AND YOUR WORRIED THAT SOME DIPSTICK GOT KICKED OFF AMERICAN IDOL....I MEAN HEELLLLOOO...ANYONE HEAR BOUT THE DA VINCI CODE...I MEAN...IT SEEMS OUR WHOLE SOCIETY IS ABOUT KNOCKING PEOPLE....THINGS DOWN....EVERYTHING....NO MATTER WHAT THE BELIEFS ARE....O...YOUR GAY.....OOO...YOUR WEIRD.....LETS MAKE FUN OF YOU (I'M GUILTY OF IT TOO)...OOO....CHRISTIANITY.....OOO...LETS MAKE UP SOME GARBAGE AND WRITE A BADLY WRITTEN BOOK ABOUT JC AND MARY HOOKIN UP...OOO.....SCANDAL....OOOO....SHOCK HORROR.....JESUS AND OPRAH? OOOOO.....LETS JUST BE SO COMPLETELY PC AND SYNICAL THAT WE LOOSE ALL TOUCH WITH HUMANITY!!!
whoah....don't kno where that came from...anyway...I dunno...its like...every generation had their fight.....for centuries it was the clan...the family.....then it was the loss of faith with war in the '20s....the FDR "we'll try something...and if that doesn't work we'll try something else" mentality of the thirties, a clear cut good guy bad guy war during the forties, the civil rights and youth rebellion of the fifties and sixties....the geek/disco movements in the seventies.....the punk rebellion in the 80s....atleast the 90's Generation X had a spokesperson in Cobaine....even if he did.....well......
But now....its just....i go up to people...I feel no connection...its like....hi.....hi....wassup......wassup....ntm.....ntm....end of conversation...or I'm tired....EVEN THE PRINCIPAL OF MY SKOOL SAID THAT TO ME....IM LIKE WASSUP...HES LIKE....TIRED....AND ITS JUST LIKE....UGHH......people just go from class to class...in apathy..or just (ooo..did she see that drool particle roll down my cheek...o dear...she did....ooo...she thinks im an ass)...its just soooo....uggg......frivolous.....
There's just no spiritual feeling...I want that spiritual joy all the time....but I can't feel it...I wanna put a fire in these people...and tell them...hello....WAKEUP....REVELATIONS IS UPON US.....JESUS IS COMING....AND ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO ADDED GOSPELS AND BELIEVED IN ALL THIS CORRUPTION IN THE GOVERNMENT AND WITH IMMORALITY (YES...ALL OF US)...AND THOSE WHO DON'T KNEEL TO THE KING....ARE GONNA BE TRAMPLED..but its just like...'
I go into that school....and the opression is like a prick in my ballon....just PPPPPPPPSSSSSSHHHHHHHTTTTTTTT....u kno? I dunno.....I'll see some of you saturday night.....I invited a freind...dunno if she'll come....we shall see.....

That's all I gotta say about that...
Harbinger

The Leavetaking

The older leave,
The younger take over,
We must not grieve,
As they disappear behind the shrouded clover,
They pass on the mantle,
As they are freed,
Many doubt we can handle,
We just aren’t made from the same breed,
They seem so happy and carefree,
They pass through the door,
They hand us the key,
These past years seem like such a war,
The changing of the guard,
As the elders go galloping to greener gables,
As flowers blossom in the yard,
The school will be full of sullen; silent tables,
Old friends pass through,
New friends are looking for guidance,
Yet we are still tangled up in the murky blue,
And our distorted defiance,
Yet the ships set sail on the morrow,
And the farewells have already begun,
So our hearts are filled with sorrow,
As their masts disappear behind the sun....

The Beloved Miracle

I don’t thank you; as I should,
All my prayers up to this point seem so hollow; as if wood,
I want to feel your love constantly cascading,
I’m in the right pool, but I’m still just wading,
Your love is water to my parched heart,
Your love I know will never depart,
You cover me with mercy,
Even when my thoughts aren’t on you with the right fervency,
So I will praise your name on high,
“Till the day I die,
For you give me a willing spirit,
On my soul your mark has been writ,
I’ve grown in the last year,
I’m letting go of all my fear,
Tomorrow I pray that you give me strength,
That I may strive through the whole school’s length,
Without you love and kindness I would be running,
But instead I can feel my healing coming,
Under your banner of white,
Gaining disciples and might,
The enemy will surely be trampled,
All his malicious plans dismantled,
And I will praise you in my prayers,
Send me more souls to be taken into my cares,
I don’t care about the world,
Send me to those who are hiding and curled,
Let me be your bundle of joy,
I am your little glad-iator to deploy,
So I’m still smiling,
While Satan’s minions are still defiling,
And I pray for all the wayward and lost,
I smile as I see all the bridges I have yet to cross,
One brick at a time,
Turning water into wine,
They will see your miracle,
Your loving poetry is vibrant and lyrical,
All the dead and dying in me you have rubbed,
And I am forever your humble Beloved....

Stain Glass Mass

We think we are baptized and renewed,
Yet our perception is so skewed,
We think we know all the answers,
But really we just find new cancers,
Many search for the truth,
But even the wise are spiritual youth,
We have this idea of rigid rhythm,
So much so that we got lost in this futile schism,
Our so-called differences have set our brothers apart,
We have lost touch with our mind; with our heart,
Saying we are walking the righteous path,
Lost in our delusions of this ethereal math,
We see what we want to see,
Never really seeing the full fee,
We have no idea what we really believe,
So we cling to false hope and grieve,
We can’t see past ourselves,
Can’t see where the kingdom of heaven dwells,
We muddle through this life,
Until we fall under someone’s knife,
We settle with complacency and murky sages,
When really the equations are so simple on destiny’s pages,
So we look; we search,
We then lock ourselves in this denominational church,
Where love is chained and oppressed,
Where our restless hearts never truly rest,
Where the wise men tell us exactly who they think Yahweh was,
Yet all we hear is this babbling buzz,
Then they argue with one another,
And the foundations they built are torn asunder,
Disillusionment seeps through the once revelatory walls,
Everybody tries to see where their going while ignoring the others’ calls,
And they have to find their way alone,
Because all their friends and support are now blown,
And we doubt our faith,
The angels now just seem like faint wraiths,
If the wise can’t even see your love,
Then how can serenity fill this troubled dove?

Litany of Epiphany

It’s something that comes upon you suddenly. Without warning, the thought dawns on you. The epiphany explodes out of your dormant consciousness. A random flame of empowerment and faith emerges from the murky sea of old wounds and self-doubt. You’ve been doing things wrong all these years.
Before this you were waiting for something. Something to appear as you turned every corner. Someone waiting for you to caress you amidst your troubles and your trials. You were sitting there all your life; wishing it could be better. Praying that things had been different. Wishing that you were better than you were. Smarter than you were. More eloquent than you were. Less hopeless than you were. You’ve gone through your life like a blind bird flying through the darkness and the shadows. You’ve been bashing against the walls, trying to break out of your “cage”. You’ve cried to the heavens, you’ve tried to reach out to other people, and nobody seemed to hear or even care. You started going through life with a chip on your shoulder, bitter, silent, dead. You seemed to accept your lot in life, hoping...wishing.... that it would your life would improve on its own, that things will one day...eventually...work out. You tried to convince yourself into thinking that it was self-imposed seclusion, but you couldn’t hide from yourself for long. You then became an empty shell, embittered with the world, wanting to end all your pain...wanting to end all your sorrow. You shrank away from people. You secluded yourself from contact with others. You conformed to non-conformity. You had hit the bottom. You got so low and so angry that you could not have conceivably gotten any lower. You felt you could do nothing to change your life, could not fix your situation, and you just gave up.
Then, through your disillusionment, through your anger, hope ignited. Hope, that undeniably vibrant emotion. Hope, that quality that is the very core of our humanity. You finally realized...that.... maybe.... just maybe.... you can improve your life.... improve yourself.
You realize that even if you couldn’t help what has happened to you in the past...you can help what happens to you in your future. You see that life may not be fair...but at least its not over. You have the power of choice. You have the power to rebel against your oppressor.... rebel against yourself. You have the power to say your sorry for what you’ve done. You can’t understand how it has taken you this long. You know you have to learn the lyrics to a different song. You understand...finally.... that you can become stronger, become better than who you are. You can change. It doesn’t matter if things may not totally work out exactly the way you planned.... but it doesn’t matter... because at least you tried. The people around you may not react positively to the new you... but you don’t care anymore. They have no power over you. You are you.... you know who you are. The light has flooded into your once dark room.... and you have hope, love, faith.... and serenity...again. You may be battered.... you may become battered.... without a doubt you will get battered.... even more battered than now...but you know you can get through it. You’ve seen it among the tales and stories of mythic heroes that have inspired you all your life. Well.... now it’s your turn to be the hero. You’ve been hiding in the dark...in the shadows too long.
Let the world know who you are. Let the world see the truth. Let the world see the light burning in your beautiful eyes. And yes, they are beautiful, because they are yours. You have the power to overcome this hurdle, whatever it may be. If they laugh, let them laugh. You will grow and mature, and they will stay wallowing in their hog slop. You will become who you were born to be. So fight back. Weather this futile attack. And don’t worry.... you won’t be alone in your daily struggle. So, pick up your sword, and strum the triumphant chord....

The Undiscovered Anguish

The Undiscovered Anguish

You’re so pretty,
I wish I could be witty,
But when I see your shiny face,
It feels like I just got bashed with a spiked mace,
So I’m wondering how lucky are my dice,
I got them at a hobby shop at a discount price,
They’ve survived me many dungeons,
I hope you don’t mind me sitting next to you at luncheon,
You are such a goddess,
Will you come with me to watch for Nessie at Lochness?
I know I’m a geek,
But at least I don’t reak,
Come over to my house and watch the Trek marathon,
Please come to the next comic book con,
Man, I’ve fallen for your good looks,
It’s worse than they describe in the books,
Every night my heart aches,
You’re like Buffy piercing me with your pointy stakes,
I wonder if you will ever see me; the piece of space trash,
I wish I were roguishly handsome like Solo or Ash,
This must have been what Jabba felt,
Until his love strangled him with that belt,
Yet your Jedi mind tricks work,
And I can’t help but lurk,
You won’t even read this,
I guess that’s the greatest diss,
So I say goodbye for the forty-second time,
I’ll go drown my sorrows in grails of wine,
Maybe tomorrow you’ll pity the poor hobbit,
Or I’ll just fall deeper into the Sarlaac pit,
I will never forget your smile,
I wish I had the Tardiss so I could turn back the dial,
I’ll just have to keep flyin’ all alone in the black...
O Frack!

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine

WASSUP BRUTHAS?

So...this is just kind of a sequel to my last post. I was really confused about that whole school class thing. So I called Greg (down in Kansas City) to ask him some advice about it. And as soon as I call him he's like...I;m watching this thing by the Veggie Tales about Persistence and fighting even when times get tough. And there was God...again.....the train slamming right into me.....OVER ME....AGAIN! And I just started to smile and laugh. And so I told Greg what was goin' on...and he was like Don't Quit....and I already knew God didn't want me to...so I conceded..finally....after like three days. Then Greg says that its better it happened like this....its like starting over again...only this time its a good thing...because Itll be what I truly want to study and research. He said that I had to come up with a topic that I would be interested in studying....and that suggestions from people wouldn't help. So I prayed about it....and God helped me to find something that I am interested and passionate about. (It deals with Plotline Archetypes...ask if you want detail...haven't fully flushed it out yet.....but I will) And that's why the Shadow Proves the Sunshine...this whole thing this weekend has increased my faith....cuz I prayed to God...I was like...God you gotta prove yoursefl to me...you gotta give me persistence, strength, and hope .....and he did! ABBA Rxrs my Bxrs as we say online. So yea.....Oscars......be on....so I b going...to eat popcorn while watching Soddom & Gammora...but thats another story....

Mountains on the Path

Hey peoples. Sorry I haven't posted in such a long time. But I'm back....I need some advice/suggestions on two main things (important things this time). Keep praying. Please :)

The first has to do with an extra class I've been taking for about a year and a half now. Its this science research project that goes on for three years of high school, and its this whole self-motivation thing. I don't know why I applied for it in the first place, but thats all in the past now. I've been doing it on Bird Social Communication up to this point. Real exciting, huh? (That's supposed to be a cynical comment....btw) I never really wanted to do that subject...but I kind of let myself get bamboozled into it (I guess thats what I thought the teachers wanted). So I had a meeting with one of the teachers on Friday, and I had done some work, but not enough, because I wasn't really motivated to do it, and I just wasn't into my research. So he was angry at me....and he could tell that I wasn't passionate about my topic...and he thought that maybe it would be better if I either quit the program or do something that I am passionate about (Creative Writing Scientific Research for example) But that would mean starting over at square one a year and a half ago, and I'mnot doing that. And I dunno if it would be time better spent honing my writing skills. Or maybe I'm just being lazy and running away from my problems. I just dunno. And speaking of writing, thats the other thing I've been wanting to talk about...
Today was the third day (during the past couple of weeks) that I tried to write a short story and even though I have ideas for characters and stuff, I just haven't been able to write anything. This has happened with my poetry too, its all become the same content....I whine in my poetry about the same crap over and over again....and It was pissing me off so I stopped writing. I'm not sure if I've lost confidence....I dunno bout anything anymore. Maybe I'm just not being persistent in the right things.

Please Pray
Dave

Midnight Musings

Samuel

The demon crept up behind him, whispering in a long forgotten language. Its feline-like eyes flickered maniacally in the candlelight. The air seemed to ice over as the demon pressed its disfigured face against the boy’s. The demons’ claws scraped across the wooden table, peeling wood shavings onto the cold floor. Long, yellowing fangs protruded from its mouth. Saliva trickled from the dark one’s mouth, forming a red pool at its victim’s feet. The boy’s eyes shifted back and forth quickly, as if he was trying to contemplate what he was about to do. The demon continued to whisper into the boy’s ear, its forked tongue flicking seductively. A bitter smile crossed the youth’s face, as if what the demon’s words sounded appealed to him. He slowly reached for the revolver that lay in front of him on the table, struggling to pick up the unfamiliar weapon. The demon folded his dark wings and talons around the boy, and it began to chant a haunting chorus. As the chanting strengthened, the boy’s trembling hand moved the revolver to his head. His face began to grow contorted, angry, and lost as the demon smiled viciously. The gun was now aimed directly at his head. From his eye there came a burst of light, casting all the murkiness that had been there before to scatter. Something deep within him began to stir. He remembered a vague memory; the long-lost remnants of a strong feeling. An extremely strong feeling of complete and total warmth came over him. It was like he was being cradled by someone, and they were comforting him. The demon began to scream and chant rapidly, knowing that it was losing the battle. The boy’s eye shone with a light that had been lost in them since he had been born. The boy placed the gun back down on the table, and turned to the frantic demon. “No.” He said quietly but firmly. A being of light appeared on his other, right hand side, its brightness beyond anything of this Earth. The angel’s wings rustled, a sound like that of a thousand harps playing up above in the heavens. His long bright white hair and robes seemed to drift in an ethereal breeze, as he smiled at the human. It was like no other smile the boy had ever seen, that filled with truth, love, and compassion. The demon, upon seeing the angel, gave a shriek of pain and anguish, vanishing back into the shadow realms. “Thank you.” Said the boy. The angel shook his head, saying: “It was not us, it was you.” Rising from his chair, the boy turned to the door behind him. Bowing to the angel, he opened the door that had been behind him. A man walked out the other side.

Football Furies

So it’s over! The last game has been played. The players have all gone home. The Bus has made his last stop...his home. The Lombardi Trophy is made of steel...for now. (Anyone for Cheddar? ;) The last referee has been taken out back and shot....just kidding. :)
Following the debauchery that was Super Bowl Extra Large, football fans are left disheartened for the future of athletic competitions. Are football games from now on to be decided by little old men wielding little yellow flags? Did legalist zebras clip the Seahawks’ wings? During the first quarter of the Toilet Bowl, the referees called back a touchdown pass from Seahawk’s quarterback, Matt Hassleback (a Favre protégé, I might add ;) to wide receiver Darrell Jackson, stating that there was “offensive pass interference.” Apparently Jackson had “pushed off” Chris Hope, the safety that was defending him. Not only did the refs do this to the already struggling Seattle team, but also later in the “game”, another Seahawk touchdown was called back due to a phantom holding penalty.
To answer the question every gridiron guru asked on Sunday, I believe that even though the Seahawks were handed the short end of their beak, the Steelers should have one anyway. The Steelers outplayed the Seahawks, especially during the second half. It was evident who was going to win by the end of the second play of the third quarter. (yawn...) Even before then, on the last possession of the second quarter, the failure of the Seahawks to manage the clock effectively was part of the reason why they lost the “game”. Especially after the example of the infamous Cowher trick play executed by Randle-El and Ward, it was obvious Pittsburgh deserved to win the “contest”. In the end, the Steel City prevailed over Grunging Ground. (Though I still enjoy bitching about referees, even when I was rooting for the Steelers :))
So now we turn our attention to the 2006 NFL Draft with new prospects like Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, and Vince Young. The Texans are set to pick first, followed by the Saints, Titans, Jets...and then my beloved Green Bay. I just have one thing to say about Green Bay (I’m sorry...I have to.) Even though the last Packer game of the season seemed as though it was going to be the last for our fearless leader.... I still say....
ONE MORE YEAR!!!!

Nu Dai

Beacon Blog, Webdate January 29th, 2006.

Hehehe....like that, my little play on the generic Star Trek openers? Ok, nevermind....um....I haven't got much to write about....so I'll just see what comes to my mind that I can scribe down. I'm currently reading this book: Tales Before Tolkien, The Roots of Modern Fantasy, which has got some cool short stories in it (ones that supposedly inspired the master of fantasy). So that's interesting, I'm finally reading again. And I wrote some poetry last night (see previous blog), so I'm back on the skald/scribe track...if there even is one. I'm doin' better in school....brought up my Ap us grade from a D to a B...which is good improvement...gonna keep it up.....and all other classes are pretty much under control. So yup....

Not really sure what else to talk about....tryna start a pen&paper RPG....can't find a game master though....so it may take some time....alas...I ramble....o well.....other than that not much is goin' on. I've gotten into the show Babylon 5, saw all of Season 1, which is pretty good, nice intergalactic diplomacy stuff...I like it....the characters are well drawn out too...so that's pretty interesting. Anyway...

That's all I have to say about that

Daitanis

Daised

The foreman calls out,
You must get out!
You must get out!
I hope I’ve made the right choice,
I pray that I’m following the right voice,
And the foreman calls and seems to know,
Let her go,
Let her go,
Yet I still yearn,
And when I see her, my stomach does churn,
Still the foreman calls,
Don’t think with your balls,
Don’t think with your balls,
But I still hope that things will change,
That maybe she won’t think I’m so strange,
The foreman sings,
Remember the nine kings,
Remember the nine kings,
I seem to be consumed by lust,
I’ve forgotten how to trust,
So the foreman sighs,
Saying let the world die,
Let the world die,
Like Gatsby of Great,
I’m in a daised state,
The Foreman seems crazy,
As he tells me,
Daisy let it go,
Daisy let it go,
Daisy,
Let her go...

You Can't Take the Sky From Me

(To whoever might read..not that I care...just scribing thoughts down)

Green Day blasts their Jesus of Suburbia over the computer: "Everybody's heart doesn't beat the same." This quotation's got me thinking....bout the whole shoe comment thing (see earlier blog: Shoes of the Gospel...if you care) I probably shouldn't even be listening to their comformist manufactured, synthetic crap...but I like it....so I'll listen to whatever the hell I want. As you can tell, I'm not in a very good mood. My high school and the community I live in...all the people are stuffy...and stuck up...and easily offended...and I'm tired of their frivolous bullshit. (Ok..this has turned into an anguished teen rant...btw)


They're only obsessed with themsevles (usually...not always...making angry assumptions...and yes I'm being hypocritical...I'm just venting) and don't see other people around them. They just go about their business and do everything to get a good transcript for the college their parents will bribe their dumb asses into. They get straight As go into APs...become mindless liberals....that "care about minorities" but really they're just fucking baby killers. Most of them just don't give a damn about me...geek cripple me.....or any other geek..in fact...if they see anyone who's at all different...they pounce on the poor dude and isolate him to such an extent that he becomes an introvert. The popular people experience sexual situations and flaunt it right in front of us of geekdom....pressing their over manicured lips together in a display of animilistic fervor. That then pisses us Geeks off so we go and try it on with girls...and then they mock us when we miserably fail or get cruelly rejected (not just from my own experience). They expect us to deal with it...and control our hormones (while they themsevles can't) and "Get over it" or "Leave them alone" UGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

It would atleast be bareable if I had people at my school that I could consider "my crew". However, I only have a few people...and they're just not into the same stuff as me (I'm not trying to be picky...most of them don't even like Star Wars). So I've dealt with it. I've put up with my freinds (some of whom desperatly strive to be popular and talk about frivolous crap like girls, fashions, and the latest "news" (gossip)) and I have. I've really tried to be content. I've really tried to be nice. I've tried to be a Guinan...always listening to peoples' problems and advising them on their "relationships". But gorramit....I'm sick of it!!! I want to talk about stuff like we talk about at Tribe. Deep, meaningful, useful, thought provoking discussions. But nope, all I get to talk about is so and so's mother...(though mom jokes rnt so bad :))...and which dick is dating the chick u like.....) And I'm truly fucking tired of it. I wanna talk about scifi/fantasy/rpg (yes...D&D....what about LARPing, anyone up for that...no...no you wouldn't be. Even other geeks laugh at LARPers (If you have no idea what I'm talking about....it just further to prove my point) I know nobody who wants to do that kind of stuff (and you need at least 2 or 3 others for a good D&D game) They all either wana talk about sex and penises..or that girl over there...which I really don't wanna worry about right now.....who gives a rut?

So I don't know. They say....oh...wait till college....everything will be okay....you'll meet new, interesting people......it'll all be plumcakes and daffodils....but I don't want to wait that long......no....gorram it....I'M NOT GONNA WAIT THAT LONG....I REFUSE TO!!!! "I ain't gonna live forever" And I'm close to the edge. So forget these Armonk faggots. They don't need me. So I'm just gonna act like they don't exist. Cuz they don't. They don't matter. Their snotty little opinions don't matter....and.....I'm just gonna go full on Geek.....and I'm not fucking looking back.

This has been a different point of view

Brice

But You Said

I turn on the T.V.,
And all I see,
Is death and war,
Floods and people lying hungry on the floor,
I cry for God to tell me why,
He lets them become so poor while I put on my thousand-dollar tie,
While cities are swept away,
Suburban youth complains; tryin’ to imitate Dre,
We sob at how bad our lives are,
As we pass the charred and burning car,
I whine about my achin’ tooth,
While poverty limits inner city youth,
When I don’t want to go to university,
Others strive to get in despite the locks and find the key,
I say I’ve been forsaken,
While it’s considered acceptable to be life takin’,
I weep and write emo poetry,
While children starving reach for moldy Brie,
So I’m prayin’ God,
Why are the boys and girls’ faces in the sod?
You are a God of love,
So where is the helping hand from above?
I don’t need it right now,
They need a carton of milk; give them a cow,
They are your children,
And they’ll be dead by ten,
So save them all,
They’re cornered between the wall,
Even when we don’t care,
That kid in the poster still needs a teddy bear,
Don’t comfort me,
Your people were meant to be free!

Shoes of the Gospel

Dear Freinds (am I starting to sound like Mr. Rogers?)

Thank you guys who emailed me in response to my "teenage anguish". I really appreciate the support. I think it helped. :) I was able to do something for my college advisor which I had been wrestling with myself to do all Christmas break. (It's an essay about what I like, what I find enjoyable etc....If anybody would like to read it and comment....I've posted it below :)) So...yeah...I do want to go to college....even though I have no idea what I want to do with my life and what exactly I would like to study.
I think I know what's been bothering me though. (really bothering me....bothering isn't really the right word...it's more of a frustration....yeah....frustrating me...) (I would delete the bothering thing...but I'm going for a more Kerouacian style) It all dawned on me as I was rolling (rather slowly...cuz my friggen chair....ugg...don't even get me started) and I was goin' along, right...and these two girls are talking....so just to be polite (hehehe) I turn down my music....and I overhear part of their conversation:
"Like omg...weren't so and so's shoes soooo cute!"
And there it was like a bright and twinkling star, like a frikken plank in my eye....right in front of my eyes and ears...I understood. I've been so frustrated because people at my school are superficial cuttouts from a fashion magazine. There aren't....well a few...like two...but I don't hang with them enough....many people like me....at my school...that like the stuff I like...that yearn to go to cons and are christian ( there are people who are...I just don't talk with them much). This is what's been frustrating. So i'm not sure how to fix this frustration..I just feel alot better...cuz now I know what's been bothering me (perhaps its also my new interest in country music....I think I'm turning into a hick....oyvey as Cliffy would say) So if you could pray for me...and if you have any suggestions..email me....call me....how's that U2 song go...I only know the Weird Al version....Floss Me...Bill Me!!!....man Kerouac must have been drunk when he made up his writing style)


Essay thingie:

Most people would say I am a strange person. So I don’t surround myself with most people. Most people, especially in high school, in my opinion are boring squares that don’t have fun. To me fun has a lot to do with being different, or knowing things about what most people would never know about. If people find what I think to be interesting to be boring, then that’s their loss. I’ll keep on enjoying what I like to do.
For fun, one of the most important activities I participate in is writing. Whether this is writing short stories, poetry, or (I hope someday) novels, each time I put pen to paper I am able to scribe out my feelings and emotions. I’m not sure how my love for writing began, but for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to do something to do with writing with my life. Perhaps because of my love of reading, I wanted to voice my own opinions and thoughts through my own stories, poems, and novels. Mostly writing in science fiction and fantasy, I enjoy these genres the most because I feel they give the writer the most freedom to use his imagination, and also explore the potential of mankind (even if I’m writing about aliens or ogres) (Even when your writing about fantastic creatures, your still only writing about human emotions under all the tentacles and horns). For a long time, I have tried to write poetry to express more down to earth emotions that I feel churning within myself. However, until recently, I was not able to express myself through this outlet. Since being able to rhyme and gain inspiration, I have written many poems, songs (at least attempts at songs), and also ballads. Poetry has become the most comfortable style of writing for me since then, but I really hope to develop this skill to a more complete fruitation during college.
Another activity in which I enjoy participating in is watch football. Specifically, I enjoy watching Green Bay Packer football. Even though some would argue this is a pretty passive pastime, I would have to disagree. I don’t remember how I became a Packer, but I know I will never root for another team in the NFL for as long as I live. I have visited Green Bay twice now, and have fallen in love with the town and team. Never before, nor anywhere else, will you see a town so completely absorbed in their team. A town with an approximate population of 90,000- 75,000 of them attends home games on Sundays. You cannot go two feet in the town without sighting a G logo on a door or car window. Even when they do terribly in their season, like this year for example (4-12), I will still loyally watch every game. I don’t give up, even when times get tough.
The final, and most important aspect of my life that I enjoy participating in is my faith. A fairly new believer in Christianity, I’m still learning a lot of what it means to be a Christian. (I’m told this doesn’t change much) Nothing is as comforting to me as the thought of a God who cares for me and loves me. My ever present inspiration for not only writing- but for life- God is the only one who keeps me going at certain points in my life. I also enjoy learning about my faith by studying the Bible. This is why I may want to go to a more Christian centered college so I will be able to take some theological classes or classes of that sort. I definitely want to go to a college where I will be able to practice my faith and where there will at least be others (any denomination) that celebrate the same God as I do.

Anyway

God Bless
Psalmer

Almost Aphrodite

Is this love?
Should it feel so much like a rough shove?
I’ve heard stories of the sweet emotion,
Is it supposed to cause such a stomach commotion?
Every time she goes passed,
I fear my heart and mind won’t last,
They say you only feel this kind of love once,
Maybe this is it cuz I haven’t gotten her outta my mind for months,
It can’t be love though,
It feels like I just stubbed my toe,
This isn’t at all pleasant,
I keep on getting disappointed every time I pass another day’s crescent,
Wishing that she’s the one I’m looking for,
Vainly hoping that she’s Guinevere of Lore,
But I have to accept that I haven’t found the one for me,
The one who’ll be the queen of my love tree,
I haven’t found my dream girl,
I guess she’s just a grain of sand, and not my pearl...

Samuel

Looking back,
Looking forward,
Looking left,
Looking right,
Looking up,
Looking down,

I can’t see too far in any direction,
I want to spit when I see my reflection,
I walk around aimlessly,
While before I frolicked in the hills shamelessly,
Now all I feel is pain and frustration,
It’s as if I’m the sole target of Satan’s invasion.

Looking back,
Looking forward,
Looking left,
Looking right,
Looking up,
Looking down,

The armies seem to surround my weathered tent,
So I cry to my God and repent,
But every time I overcome one demon,
Another rears its ugly head despite the season,
All I see in my future is the same disease,
So I pray as I fall on bloodied knees.

Looking back,
Looking forward,
Looking left,
Looking right,
Looking up,
Looking down,

My path seems to be mapped out before me already,
All they say I have to do is bear the storm and keep my feet steady,
What if they are wrong?
What if I wasn’t meant to march to the beat of their song?
They say just pass this final test,
They say their older and they know what’s best.


Looking back,
Looking forward,
Looking left,
Looking right,
Looking up,
Looking down,

I’m prayin’ that I’ll make the right choice,
So when I’m older and I look back I can rejoice,
But I can’t see where I’m to go,
So I’m asking for you to help me; O carpenter apprentice of Joe,
I think I’ll walk down the path of right,
Even if that path has more of a bight.

So I’m looking back,
Looking forward,
Looking left,
Looking right,
Looking down,
Looking up...

Second Star to the Right and Straight on 'Till Morning

Throughout my travels this vacation to Virginia..and elsewhere (among the darkest dungeons in my mind), I have been thinking. Not alot...watching a little too much T.V. :)...(and let me say there is nothing on....cept for TIMMY!!!) But yeah...I've been pondering on my life a little bit....alot....I mean, I did nothing constructive this vacation...I mean, I tried to write a few times..but nothing came to me. Alas, I digress.....this is the new year...but it all feels the same...boring....old...decadent....and I know its not....and I'm young and I got my whole life ahead of me and all that crap...and I should be happy in God...and I am...it just feels this way with school....and my social life....(yeah the girls too...even though I give up with the whole damned lot)....and it's like...I'm just....at a crossroads..I guess you could call it...(here I go with the fork stuck in the road thing...again...) and I'm thinking bout my future...and its like....I don't really want to go to college anymore....I don't really see the point....I mean....I want to write....I don't know.....its just....I'm sick of school and teachers and...people my age.....and its.....UGGGGHHHHHH....and I don't know what God wants me to do...I mean...I assume he wants me to go to college.....but maybe he doesn't....its just that college is this drift into thing that everybody does....and its just...stupid....mayb not....but.....I'm sounding very confused aren't I?

I don't want another year like last year. Between the failed test after failed test and sudden outbursts of heartbroken tears....I want a new year with new freinds.....and successes...and not lusting after stuff (and girls)....but it just seems the same..another day..another year..another fight...another struggle with my self everytime I see even the most remotedly beautiful girl...and I still dont have my power chair after 8 frikken weeks (new beginnings?) and its just....weighing me down....and gettin' to me....

So today I saw the press conference from the Packers when the GM fired head coach Mike Sherman...saying he "wanted to go in a new direction". Earlier this horrid season, Favre said that if the coach was fired it would be alot harder for him to come back to football. After his emotional walk off the field on Sunday, waving goodbye to the cheesheads at Lambeau field...and also unexpectadly hopped onto the seahawk's plane after Sunday's game to speak with Holmgren- his former Super Bowl winining coach for a talk..so I'm fairly certain he will retire after the canning of the coach he swore loyalty to. So I guess this is farwell to one of football's greatest icons...Peace be with you too Favre.....

So its gotten me thinking....changing of the guard....changing into the new year....new semester coming up soon....supposedly leaving this dump I go to school in....changes....it's happening all around me...but I just can't feel them...I feel numb, stagnant...as if in a trance...I want to be able to smile again like I used to..but these past few months...even though I became a christian....have just....I dunno....maybe its becoming a man....but its been the hardest few months I've ever endured....I just hope something changes.....Cuz I'm getting sick of the old...I've had enough...I need a change....a big change...lots of big changes...maybe inside of me (I gotta talk to someone bout something to do with the struggles inside of me...if you guys want..) I want new....the death of old...the beginning of new...of good...of light....of joy....To the year of Jubilee!!!

Ominous Kismet

The old warrior hangs his helmet,
The new come to meet their inevitable kismet,
The old sits down to rest,
While us young ones try to do our best,
The old passes on his torch,
And takes his place next to the elders on the front porch,
As they watch their sun fade,
Smiling at the world they’ve made,
As we wonder what will become of our burden,
Will we be able to protect the flowers in our garden?
Will we do our father’s proud?
Or will we succumb to the thickening crowd?
Cuz I can’t see an answer to the riddle,
There’s our past and there’s our future and we’re stuck in the middle,
So we’ll have to build bridges,
Despite the dark and jagged ridges,
We’ll build bridges to the future,
Maybe we’ll be the ones to find the cure,
The old are handing us the keys,
The oaks drop seeds; could they become trees?
I don’t know where we go from here,
But it seems we’ve missed our ship and are just sitting on the pier,
So the new takes the place of the old,
But the black seems to be consuming the gold,
Were we meant to live and constantly fret?
Is this our ominous kismet...?

For now....Peace be with you too Favre...the sun sets, will it come back up?

Psalmer