About Me

"There is a greater darkness than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities, it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender. The future is all around us, waiting in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain." -Babylon 5

Monday, April 03, 2006

Litany of Epiphany

It’s something that comes upon you suddenly. Without warning, the thought dawns on you. The epiphany explodes out of your dormant consciousness. A random flame of empowerment and faith emerges from the murky sea of old wounds and self-doubt. You’ve been doing things wrong all these years.
Before this you were waiting for something. Something to appear as you turned every corner. Someone waiting for you to caress you amidst your troubles and your trials. You were sitting there all your life; wishing it could be better. Praying that things had been different. Wishing that you were better than you were. Smarter than you were. More eloquent than you were. Less hopeless than you were. You’ve gone through your life like a blind bird flying through the darkness and the shadows. You’ve been bashing against the walls, trying to break out of your “cage”. You’ve cried to the heavens, you’ve tried to reach out to other people, and nobody seemed to hear or even care. You started going through life with a chip on your shoulder, bitter, silent, dead. You seemed to accept your lot in life, hoping...wishing.... that it would your life would improve on its own, that things will one day...eventually...work out. You tried to convince yourself into thinking that it was self-imposed seclusion, but you couldn’t hide from yourself for long. You then became an empty shell, embittered with the world, wanting to end all your pain...wanting to end all your sorrow. You shrank away from people. You secluded yourself from contact with others. You conformed to non-conformity. You had hit the bottom. You got so low and so angry that you could not have conceivably gotten any lower. You felt you could do nothing to change your life, could not fix your situation, and you just gave up.
Then, through your disillusionment, through your anger, hope ignited. Hope, that undeniably vibrant emotion. Hope, that quality that is the very core of our humanity. You finally realized...that.... maybe.... just maybe.... you can improve your life.... improve yourself.
You realize that even if you couldn’t help what has happened to you in the past...you can help what happens to you in your future. You see that life may not be fair...but at least its not over. You have the power of choice. You have the power to rebel against your oppressor.... rebel against yourself. You have the power to say your sorry for what you’ve done. You can’t understand how it has taken you this long. You know you have to learn the lyrics to a different song. You understand...finally.... that you can become stronger, become better than who you are. You can change. It doesn’t matter if things may not totally work out exactly the way you planned.... but it doesn’t matter... because at least you tried. The people around you may not react positively to the new you... but you don’t care anymore. They have no power over you. You are you.... you know who you are. The light has flooded into your once dark room.... and you have hope, love, faith.... and serenity...again. You may be battered.... you may become battered.... without a doubt you will get battered.... even more battered than now...but you know you can get through it. You’ve seen it among the tales and stories of mythic heroes that have inspired you all your life. Well.... now it’s your turn to be the hero. You’ve been hiding in the dark...in the shadows too long.
Let the world know who you are. Let the world see the truth. Let the world see the light burning in your beautiful eyes. And yes, they are beautiful, because they are yours. You have the power to overcome this hurdle, whatever it may be. If they laugh, let them laugh. You will grow and mature, and they will stay wallowing in their hog slop. You will become who you were born to be. So fight back. Weather this futile attack. And don’t worry.... you won’t be alone in your daily struggle. So, pick up your sword, and strum the triumphant chord....