In the tenth watch of the night,
The moon guides my pen's flight,
Causing my troubled mind to pause its incessant panting,
The Lord of the day and night peruses my teenage ranting...
I'm back. Well, I never really left, I was always here...just never had much to write about since my last blog. I thought I was due a new blog...post. I keep on telling other peeps to update their blogs atleast once a week...and then I don't for like two weeks, damn hyprocrite. Lol, anyway....where was I..nowhere, just thought I'd put down whatever God puts on my heart to type (write) about..right...now
Sorry I haven't been at church or Tribe in the last few days. I'm starting to feel like a heretic :) I would have liked to come, but the parents and baby are off in Europe...visiting the assorted kinclans in England and the like...so I have basically been stuck at home...staring at my laptop....going pale..listening to music...watching movies...had an LOTR marathon the other day....which was kind of cool...had the thunder rumbling outside, shaking the house as the combined forces of Gondor and Rohan charge the Black Gate....which was cool, added to the intensity of the scene. :) I was reminded of something Gary said at the first Tribe meeting I attended, in which he stated with the split of the Tribes..it was like setting out tent pegs in Tarrytown...like kind of beacons of Christianity. The scene in which the Gondorian beacons are lit in the mountains one by one to summon help from Rohan...it kind of symbolized, atleast to me, how it was like setting out tent peg beacons in Middle Earth. Ok, that was completely random...but thats ok.....IM RANDOM!!!! :)
On a darker note, my report card came today. Not pleasant....I failed two classes in the fourth quarter...my other quarter grades were good enough to pass me for the year, however if I continue the way I'm going...Ill be held back or worse next year. This scared me....I knew I had been doing poorly this quarter, and before then also. Math and foreign languages are difficult for me...but the truth is I just was too lazy to study. It's very bad I know, but I just didn't feel like it. Really stupid and self-destructive, I realize this, but especially at the beginning of the quarter, I started not caring. That was when I kind of kept on breaking down...pathetic, and that not an excuse....but It was a difficult time for me anyway, lets just say. (see my previous blogs) Anyway, I'm gonna enjoy myself at camp this summer, and go in in September to school with a better attitude...thats bull, let me correct that satement: With lots of prayer and much more self assesment, and getting my ass in gear and working all year next year...I will have a new attitude. Because next year is the most important,according to my imformants, junior year. My bro says that I shouldnt slack off, and I should not take his example, because he says slacking off ain't worth it...and i know hes right...and hes trying to look after me...thats what makes my bro so cool, but....ITS JUST SO HARD TO WORK HARD!!!! There is no try, only do-yoda, I know, but its rly FRIKKEN DIFFICULT!!!! Just can you guys pray for me, cuz i feel...i dunno..worn out wit skool...i guess you could say. Anyway, thats all I have to say about that....
God Bless
leskald
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Tribe Dispatch
To the members of Tribe One,
Chief (leader of the tribe :)) Gary asked requested that I write a blog on what took place this week at Tribe. We hope to make this a weekly occurance. On Tuesday (the 14th of June), the meeting of Tribe had the hand of the holy spirit on it. Beginning with an intense worship session led by Marie Joie (Please excuse if I spelled it incorrectly). The lights were dimmed, and it seemed to me like there were angels standing all around us, worshipping with us. Maybe it was the heat ;) Even though the lights were off, God filled the room with a holy, almost heavenly aura. Many members were prompted to begin singing in tounges, among others who recieved visions and other knowledges from God. When this portion of Tribe had concluded, Gary began a discussion on what God's calling on our lives are. For each person there is a specific calling on his or her life from God, and we have to figure out what his calling for our life is. We may need help at times from other people to find God's calling on our life and what his plan for our lives are. On Tuesday we went around about half the people in the room, and asked what they thought God's calling for their lives were. We were able to gain some insight as to where these people were walking in their path with the Lord. It was AWESOME!!!! We expect to do the other half of the member of Tribe One on next Tuesday, the 21st of June. God Bless you all!!!
Dave
Chief (leader of the tribe :)) Gary asked requested that I write a blog on what took place this week at Tribe. We hope to make this a weekly occurance. On Tuesday (the 14th of June), the meeting of Tribe had the hand of the holy spirit on it. Beginning with an intense worship session led by Marie Joie (Please excuse if I spelled it incorrectly). The lights were dimmed, and it seemed to me like there were angels standing all around us, worshipping with us. Maybe it was the heat ;) Even though the lights were off, God filled the room with a holy, almost heavenly aura. Many members were prompted to begin singing in tounges, among others who recieved visions and other knowledges from God. When this portion of Tribe had concluded, Gary began a discussion on what God's calling on our lives are. For each person there is a specific calling on his or her life from God, and we have to figure out what his calling for our life is. We may need help at times from other people to find God's calling on our life and what his plan for our lives are. On Tuesday we went around about half the people in the room, and asked what they thought God's calling for their lives were. We were able to gain some insight as to where these people were walking in their path with the Lord. It was AWESOME!!!! We expect to do the other half of the member of Tribe One on next Tuesday, the 21st of June. God Bless you all!!!
Dave
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
The Bitter Ends, the Sweet Begins!
Dear Brothers in Christ,
How are we all doing on this beutiful summer eve? I'm doing AWESOME!!!! God is really doing stuff with me. My poetry really has picked up since I 'came to an understanding' with God. Also, this is a sequel...i guess you could say, to my last blog. God kind of pressed it upon my heart to apologize to that girl. (Just to end it, see closure, not having any loose ends hanging in the wind) Even though I was really frikken scared and intimidated to go up to her I did. I said im sorry, and she looked at me with...disgusted skepticism...but whatever. I know that some of you think i did it b/c I was impatient...and yeah...I know...I am a very impatient person..thats how this whole situation with this girl came to be. But, as soon as I said Im sorry, even though she doesn't give a damn, I felt a burden lift off me. All this crap that I did to her (nothing really bad, just stealing her s/n and stalking her) seemed to be behind me. I had done that stuff before I really did know Jesus...for real...and I just felt like a big jerk about it. But, in saying sorry, I kind of said, all that crap is behind me, and yeah..i know I did wrong, and im a sinner, but I know that Jesus has forgiven me. After that apology, I see a road ahead of me...filled with awesome stuff, and I really want to grow as a Christian and a Man, I still have many flaws...and I just want to give them all to God, and say, You are my king, I will serve you to the end of days, I don't want anything you don't, so take it away. As soon as I said sorry, all I wanted to do was worship the Lord, I was just elated..all that stuff was behind me, its over, now I'm moving on and not gonna bother her anymore. God has a plan for me..and I'm not gonna look back. God Bless You All
elscribe
How are we all doing on this beutiful summer eve? I'm doing AWESOME!!!! God is really doing stuff with me. My poetry really has picked up since I 'came to an understanding' with God. Also, this is a sequel...i guess you could say, to my last blog. God kind of pressed it upon my heart to apologize to that girl. (Just to end it, see closure, not having any loose ends hanging in the wind) Even though I was really frikken scared and intimidated to go up to her I did. I said im sorry, and she looked at me with...disgusted skepticism...but whatever. I know that some of you think i did it b/c I was impatient...and yeah...I know...I am a very impatient person..thats how this whole situation with this girl came to be. But, as soon as I said Im sorry, even though she doesn't give a damn, I felt a burden lift off me. All this crap that I did to her (nothing really bad, just stealing her s/n and stalking her) seemed to be behind me. I had done that stuff before I really did know Jesus...for real...and I just felt like a big jerk about it. But, in saying sorry, I kind of said, all that crap is behind me, and yeah..i know I did wrong, and im a sinner, but I know that Jesus has forgiven me. After that apology, I see a road ahead of me...filled with awesome stuff, and I really want to grow as a Christian and a Man, I still have many flaws...and I just want to give them all to God, and say, You are my king, I will serve you to the end of days, I don't want anything you don't, so take it away. As soon as I said sorry, all I wanted to do was worship the Lord, I was just elated..all that stuff was behind me, its over, now I'm moving on and not gonna bother her anymore. God has a plan for me..and I'm not gonna look back. God Bless You All
elscribe
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Another Confession...My Girl Troubles...or Lack Thereof :)
Dear God (lol) and Christian brothers,
Well I haven't posted in a very long time. I know, I plan to post more frequently over the summer. I've been a little busy with schoolwork lately. Actually, thats BS, Ive been busy worrying about girls....well, actually one girl in particular. Ok, well I hope you all like long and painful stories, for this song is both long and filled with pain and stupid mistakes...all on my part. Grab some popcorn, dont choke while your laughing at my follies.
So, it all started three months ago, or so. I knew of this girl from my school, in the grade below me, I didnt kno her, but i knew of her, and we were....I guess you could say....acquiantences..kind of an ignoring relationship. Though of course I got a crush on her....and with the lack of expeirence with girls that I had back then, I decided not to go up and talk to her...because whenever I'm near her.....FRISSON (weird and strange chemical reaction in my hormones, where my heart stops beating, and I can't breath, and my cloness reflex in my knees causes my legs to spaz out) So I stole (asked for) her screename from a mutual friend. Yes, now I know this was really stupid. I am aware of this fact, please stop reminding me. :) Ive had enough people castigate me on this subject. So I Imed her, and for two weeks she put up with me, a very kind act, and just talked to me (though maybe she felt sorry for the poor desperate cripple :)) Though, everytime she logged on, maybe due to my impatience or my inexpirience with girls....I imed her the instant she logged on...and basically annoyed her (i think) until one of us logged off. So, eventually she grew tired, and blocked me. (I dont really blame her now) So, as you can guess, I was completely devastated for like days after this..lol...im a clown..i know.
So, taking from the well of my fathomless wisdom, I stalked her. Not really stalking, just in school, u know, watching her in the cafeteria, that kind of thing. (Let's just say it creeped her out) So, then a coupla days later, her friend and i were arguing (her friend is a goth, and was yelling at me for being a phony basically. This conversation helped me to see God, even though this person says she hates God.) She (the friend) said I was trying to fit in so hard..and that I'd do anything to be accepted in the school, and that I go after plastic (vapid, easilly influenced) girls, besides from her friend. And what she said was true, I know, every word of it was true. I was sick that day, a little mad at God for my disability, and then some1 had just told me exactly what she thought of me....exactly what God wanted me to hear....I think.....and this made me even angrier. So, long story short, I lashed out in anger, called the girl that I like plastic..this friend told her....and that girl then 'didnt want to see my face again". And i really didnt think she was plastic, but I was low...and sick...and actually I think I had made myself sick with bitterness b/c of this situation and being angry at God for making me disabled and not too attractive to girls. (Yeah, I know its really not important, but I was REALLY pissed...to say the least)
So basically I've been wanting to tell this girl that I'm sorry for what I said...and stalking her in the process, cuz I cant get close to her w/out having my throat close on me. So now she hates me even more. It really doesn't matter, I know......but....Its my first crush and Im having trouble letting go.
So now I pray, O lord, to lift this infatuation of me. So that I may be more of a warrior for you, more of a light for you, more of a phoenix beacon. I don't want to be obsessed with girls anyomre, I want to be obsessed with you: For Beuty is fleeting, but my God lives eternal (or something like that) I want to see you more, my lord, I want to see you all the time, everyday, and feel your prescence pumping through my mortal veins constantly. AMEN!!!
elscribe
Well I haven't posted in a very long time. I know, I plan to post more frequently over the summer. I've been a little busy with schoolwork lately. Actually, thats BS, Ive been busy worrying about girls....well, actually one girl in particular. Ok, well I hope you all like long and painful stories, for this song is both long and filled with pain and stupid mistakes...all on my part. Grab some popcorn, dont choke while your laughing at my follies.
So, it all started three months ago, or so. I knew of this girl from my school, in the grade below me, I didnt kno her, but i knew of her, and we were....I guess you could say....acquiantences..kind of an ignoring relationship. Though of course I got a crush on her....and with the lack of expeirence with girls that I had back then, I decided not to go up and talk to her...because whenever I'm near her.....FRISSON (weird and strange chemical reaction in my hormones, where my heart stops beating, and I can't breath, and my cloness reflex in my knees causes my legs to spaz out) So I stole (asked for) her screename from a mutual friend. Yes, now I know this was really stupid. I am aware of this fact, please stop reminding me. :) Ive had enough people castigate me on this subject. So I Imed her, and for two weeks she put up with me, a very kind act, and just talked to me (though maybe she felt sorry for the poor desperate cripple :)) Though, everytime she logged on, maybe due to my impatience or my inexpirience with girls....I imed her the instant she logged on...and basically annoyed her (i think) until one of us logged off. So, eventually she grew tired, and blocked me. (I dont really blame her now) So, as you can guess, I was completely devastated for like days after this..lol...im a clown..i know.
So, taking from the well of my fathomless wisdom, I stalked her. Not really stalking, just in school, u know, watching her in the cafeteria, that kind of thing. (Let's just say it creeped her out) So, then a coupla days later, her friend and i were arguing (her friend is a goth, and was yelling at me for being a phony basically. This conversation helped me to see God, even though this person says she hates God.) She (the friend) said I was trying to fit in so hard..and that I'd do anything to be accepted in the school, and that I go after plastic (vapid, easilly influenced) girls, besides from her friend. And what she said was true, I know, every word of it was true. I was sick that day, a little mad at God for my disability, and then some1 had just told me exactly what she thought of me....exactly what God wanted me to hear....I think.....and this made me even angrier. So, long story short, I lashed out in anger, called the girl that I like plastic..this friend told her....and that girl then 'didnt want to see my face again". And i really didnt think she was plastic, but I was low...and sick...and actually I think I had made myself sick with bitterness b/c of this situation and being angry at God for making me disabled and not too attractive to girls. (Yeah, I know its really not important, but I was REALLY pissed...to say the least)
So basically I've been wanting to tell this girl that I'm sorry for what I said...and stalking her in the process, cuz I cant get close to her w/out having my throat close on me. So now she hates me even more. It really doesn't matter, I know......but....Its my first crush and Im having trouble letting go.
So now I pray, O lord, to lift this infatuation of me. So that I may be more of a warrior for you, more of a light for you, more of a phoenix beacon. I don't want to be obsessed with girls anyomre, I want to be obsessed with you: For Beuty is fleeting, but my God lives eternal (or something like that) I want to see you more, my lord, I want to see you all the time, everyday, and feel your prescence pumping through my mortal veins constantly. AMEN!!!
elscribe
Monday, June 06, 2005
Wake Up Call: Redemption's Dawn, My Confession
Dear fellow brothers in Christ,
I've had a wake up call. A hail from on high. A smack on the head with a holy and righteous Mjholnir..(I think thats how u spell it) God spoke to me...again. He has everyday since...i dunno....but I guess I was ignoring it. I mean, he speaks to me through...everything really: books, people, movies, dreams, music...the list goes on. I mean, I guess I believed in him before...maybe not. I wasn't seeking him enough, I suppose. I just ignored him, and got angry at him for all the 'bad' things that happened to me in my life. Half of them weren't even important things either. I was looking for...his .....essence....in other things. To fill the empty space in my heart....I mean.....I went after other things, that were not of God. As switchfoot puts it: "I was trying so hard to fit in....until I found out that I don't belong here!" God was always there though, for me, even when I sinned, even when I got so angry at him...even when I collapsed into fits of uncontrollable tears. I'm still not quite sure how I figured out that he does indeed exist...somewhere in the last three months...he just talked to me....and I knew he was real. This is kinda difficult....telling people you were a sort of a phony...I mean....I wasn't really a phony....maybe I was.....I mean, I really respected you guys for being so devoted to your beliefs, and I really felt....cold....not believing in anything truly solid..i dunno what ithought. But i do know what i think now.....now I BELIEVE!!! "HE IS FAITHFUL!!!" When all seemed down, and nobody seemed to want to talk to me anymore..he was always there....and whenever I picked up the Bible....he spoke to me, everytime.
So....yea...i just wanted to get that sorta confession out there..so u guys kno where I'm coming from. I really want to be a greater and more fruitful tree for God. I have not been doing this, and I would really like to. God is good. :) When I finally opened my heart up again to Jesus, I feel whole again. That empty space has been filled, and I am left with conviction, and I again know my right from my wrong. Thank you all for being patient....and waiting for me to finally wake up....I want to be a true light to the earth for Jesus....a true Phoenix Beacon. See some of you tommorrow at Tribe. I really look forward to praising the lord and learning about him again...It has been too long.
-David (a.k.a.: elscribe, penhaven, Dravin, etc.....)
my email: fian316@yahoo.com
I've had a wake up call. A hail from on high. A smack on the head with a holy and righteous Mjholnir..(I think thats how u spell it) God spoke to me...again. He has everyday since...i dunno....but I guess I was ignoring it. I mean, he speaks to me through...everything really: books, people, movies, dreams, music...the list goes on. I mean, I guess I believed in him before...maybe not. I wasn't seeking him enough, I suppose. I just ignored him, and got angry at him for all the 'bad' things that happened to me in my life. Half of them weren't even important things either. I was looking for...his .....essence....in other things. To fill the empty space in my heart....I mean.....I went after other things, that were not of God. As switchfoot puts it: "I was trying so hard to fit in....until I found out that I don't belong here!" God was always there though, for me, even when I sinned, even when I got so angry at him...even when I collapsed into fits of uncontrollable tears. I'm still not quite sure how I figured out that he does indeed exist...somewhere in the last three months...he just talked to me....and I knew he was real. This is kinda difficult....telling people you were a sort of a phony...I mean....I wasn't really a phony....maybe I was.....I mean, I really respected you guys for being so devoted to your beliefs, and I really felt....cold....not believing in anything truly solid..i dunno what ithought. But i do know what i think now.....now I BELIEVE!!! "HE IS FAITHFUL!!!" When all seemed down, and nobody seemed to want to talk to me anymore..he was always there....and whenever I picked up the Bible....he spoke to me, everytime.
So....yea...i just wanted to get that sorta confession out there..so u guys kno where I'm coming from. I really want to be a greater and more fruitful tree for God. I have not been doing this, and I would really like to. God is good. :) When I finally opened my heart up again to Jesus, I feel whole again. That empty space has been filled, and I am left with conviction, and I again know my right from my wrong. Thank you all for being patient....and waiting for me to finally wake up....I want to be a true light to the earth for Jesus....a true Phoenix Beacon. See some of you tommorrow at Tribe. I really look forward to praising the lord and learning about him again...It has been too long.
-David (a.k.a.: elscribe, penhaven, Dravin, etc.....)
my email: fian316@yahoo.com
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