Shame

should i tell her?

When you look at me,
My mind explodes into a stormy sea,
I can’t think,
You make my pride and ego shrink,
You make me ponder,
Hold my head low and wander,
Whenever I see your face,
I see how I’m a disgrace,
I finally know that you won’t forgive,
Until we cease to live,
You glare as I roll by,
When I’m near you my throat goes numb and dry,
I can’t tell you who I truly am,
Why I follow the lamb,
Why I lied,
The reason why I even tried,
When I see your faint fair form,
My whole world is torn,
When you glide past; my palms go all wet,
I begin to think of what I did and fret,
I shouldn’t even be writing this lament,
It’s not even God sent (I guess I’ll have to repent J),
When I am near you I cry to my ethereal Lord,
I play a song to him on my harp’s cord,
I still wonder why I was such a dick,
The clock on my life never ceases to tick,
I can’t stay in this place anymore,
I’m stepping through the door,
You don’t even care,
My heart begins to tear,
It’s only an adolescent crush,
But I see you and I’m only painting rainbows of brown with my brush,
I don’t know what to do,
In my head it’s like a zoo,
You hate my guts,
But you aren’t among the sluts,
You’re nice,
When you stare at me like that I feel like a mere garbage slice,
I’m ashamed of what I did,
I’m no longer a kid,
So I apologized,
But I never realized,
That you could never give me a second chance,
But I’m still thinking of a lost friend in my rants,
They say I shouldn’t care so much,
They say your just a snotty such and such,
But I see so much more,
I don’t know exactly; but it’s rocking me to my core,
Should I even show you this?
Or is your reaction just gonna throw me off the abyss?
I’m so frustrated with my actions,
My lusts; my plastic attractions,
Yeah; I’m the one that was plastic,
Even though many others can’t see through my sickness and spastic,
But you put up with me,
Even when I acted like I was three,
I’m trying to tell you why I can’t go up to you and talk,
Why I first stole your screen name and began to stalk,
Man, I wish I hadn’t written this ballad,
You probably think I’m the most pathetic lad,
It’s probably true too,
I haven’t thought any of this through,
Maybe you’ll still hate me after you’ve read,
The thought of that fills me with dread,
But I don’t know what else I could do,
This may seem like its outta the blue,
And it is,
But poetry is my biz,
So that’s why I rhyme,
Maybe it will make up for my crime,
I shouldn’t have even started,
You probably think I’m retarded,
I think I am,
I flirt like a battering ram,
I wish I could change the past,
But I’m praying the silence between us won’t last,
But every time I see you I feel my shame,
Cuz besides my lil sis, you’re the prettiest dame,
Accuse me of being a pervert,
Treat me like dirt,
But I will not stop liking you,
Even when your not part of my crew,
I’m sorry for the stalking,
Maybe we’ll meet on the other side, when I’m walking…

-Asshole