Wednesday Woes

Stain-ed Rain-bow

The fear always comes at night,
The loneliness clenches tight,
When all seemed to have left,
My joy is stolen in a nocturnal theft,
Despite all the walls that fall,
Frustration crawls back at the moon’s call,
And all I see is ashes and dust,
Or those that I do not fully trust,
For it seems I haven’t really had anyone,
To place their head on my shoulder before each rising sun,
Every day feels harder and longer,
Every moment feels as though I’m getting more somber,
Nothing is here to quench my thirst,
Any direction I take looks to be cursed,
I fear I will not take the coming weeks,
I still haven’t found my own clan of geeks,
Whomever I turn to is either gone or too afraid,
My only choice is into the sun fade....

-Psalmer

"Where'd you Go?"

For Tribe I Have Cried

It’s Tuesday night,
Yet I haven’t heard you sing in what seems like ages,
You haven’t been there to calm my fright,
To pray for me in my confusion and rages,
I haven’t felt the warmth of your hugs,
Lost is your laugh of yesteryear,
We’ve been torn to and fro by the world and her tugs,
And I remember you and from my eye trickles a tear,
They say you don’t know what you got,
Until it’s gone,
When you loved me all my pain I forgot,
God’s providence truly shone,
I didn’t even get to say goodbye,
Now your gone with the wind,
I smile and pray for you with a sigh,
I will never forget the way your praise captivated me as you singed...

Pebble Picking

Dear Brothers and Sisters (YEY ;)) in Christ,

It's been an interesting journey this year, I have to admit. Yet I believe Abba is answering many of the prayers that I have prayed this year. Everytime I'm lonely, sad, depressed, enraged, or disallusioned, he comes to me and comforts me. I believe that these times are "like the stillness in the wind before the hurricane begins" to quote Bob Dylan. The theme of these last months and weeks has been Providence. The L_rd has provided for me....and he will never leave me....NEVER FORSAKE ME!!!!

So....unfortunatly I was forced to leave that Science Research Program at my school because I could not find a mentor (guide/proffessor) in my topic. I had been furiously looking, and praying that G_d would find a way...but it was not to be. Though the teacher was really good about it, she told me that even though one door may be closing, others are opening. She and I discussed my writing and the fact that I should publish over the summer. I plan to write my novel, a short story (to submit), and also atleast one poem a day. (pray for me that these goals happen)

I really feel that that teacher is right though, I can see it in other areas in my life too. Tonight we had Chinese take-out at my house, and obeying the laws of the church of the first fortune cookie (lol...this is a joke...don't crucify me) and read my "fortune": "No matter what your past been, you have a spotless future". THANK YOU ABBA!!!!! Take my social life (yes I actually have one now...it is no longer a figment of my imagination....bye bye Bo-Bo -sniff- -sniff-) I asked G_d to provide me a Christian fellowship (group of friends that are sooo close they family) at my school. PROVIDENCE!!!! G_d is so faithful. So now all these people have come up through the cracks just in the last year. From new people coming into our school who are really charismatic christians to people who have found their Messiah in these past months- its just like G_d is gathering stones into his slingshot like that little dude...what was his name? (lol...check out my poem: "Brewing Doing" if you want a lil more exposition on that) Then I'm sad last wkend (b/c I was doing sod all in town) and I go into the pizza place to watch the Soccer (GO ENLGAND) and all the guys in there are sooo nice to me, they give me free food, and just talk to me, and I've been there everyday this week...and I dunno..I can feel alot of love emanatin' (think I spelt that wrong) from that place...and I and them have become really good freinds.... anyway....I really feel that the L_rd is gathering people....its really cool what's going on....what has been going on...what is yet to go on....

Even when I've been really down (like in the last week I've been really uber-manic) G_d has just been there for me. I was gettin' a lil angry about my.....condition......on Saturday...and yelled at Abba that line from Switchfoot's song, Golden: "Like freedom in the spring" ....because I'd like freedom in the spring....and all o a sudden this robin zooms by.....

"The rain on my chest like a baptism" Dark Knight, Dark Knight Returns
I'll leave that where the thought ended.
"I can't think of anything else to say"- Pink Floyd

Just know that G_d is good and G_d is faithful

And I love you all so much
Keep the Faith
Fight the Good Fight
-Psalmer

Piercing Providence

So these two poems I wrote during Night Light into Sunday Service this week:

Liberation Elation

My liberation comes with the springtime,
Departing frustration comes with Abba’s soothing rhyme,
I cry to all the heavens and he answers,
He places sevens over my spiritual cancers,
When I pray he gives gifts gladly,
He makes me joyous through my day as I seek his nourishment madly,
As I lay I can feel his presence and draw closer to his ethereal love,
He sends me among the searching peasants; through him I end conflicts like a white dove,
In his name I place my faith; I bask in his glory,
He tramples every wraith of fear in my triumphant story,
He sends me angels that calm my restless ways,
I am his watchful ranger roaming the earth during these last days,
I feel the day of the lord is at hand as they fires are being built,
Yet I know no fear for his love is like a beach filled with sand; I grab my spiritual sword from its Golden hilt,
For I know that Jeshua is real and nothing will take away my joy,
His disciples are here to heal; through him I am more than just a mere boy...



Brewing Doing

This is the silence
Before the tempest

Here begins the defiance
We stand among lions like Daniel during the den test

They wish us to surrender
They seek to push us into a corner

Smiling as we’ve cowered like helpless kender
Yet we have cast off the demons of our former

God is gathering SoulStones
Into a humble slingshot

We have been sent to cast the idols from their blasphemous thrones
We are called to be righteous and faithful like King Lot

We gladly await the day of second coming
Yet we continue in our Godly calling

For the lost; Abba is summoning
We’ve been sent to put an end to all this senseless brawling

So follow my sisters and brothers
Let us begin this spiritual storm...

GlimmerHope

Finger Singers

Two girls sit serenely on sidewalks,
Speaking through silence; uttering no words,
While you’ve become tired of this town and its countless mocks,
You’ve always been different; never a part of them and their cliques or herds,
These ones understand your anguish and pain,
The way the world has you discarded,
The world that says she’s tolerant and then leaves you out in the rain,
Putting you in a box labeled “retarded”,
But it seems these are two bridges I was not meant to build,
They have already found their clan,
You are by yourself and hate-filled,
It looks like its gonna get worse for you; young man,
But when you sat by the mute maidens,
You saw something that you had forgotten,
Stripped away by the grasps of Satan,
You left that feeling thinking life would always be rotten,
You had no idea how to talk with them,
Yet they still listened,
In this fast-paced world that talent is a gem,
Something seldom done since you were christened,
Love communicated through silence,
Something that if spoken would quickly fade,
Something that seemed to calm your internal rage and violence,
Beyond those things bound by what humanity has made,
An understanding breaking down all barriers,
A feeling that you have not yet fully felt,
For you’ve always been among the baggage carriers,
Until you’ve been bogged down to such a point that your heart felt as though it would melt,
Then you bade them farewell,
It’s likely you’ll never see them again in this life,
There goes your frustration rushing up a stairwell,
Why does this isolation of mine fill me with such strife?
I’m tired of this,
I can’t take this solitude,
When it feels like something is just beginning to pull me from the abyss,
I slip and fall back down into a place where I curse and become crude,
For I heard the most beautiful music,
It is the music that travels along fingertips,
A more spiritual force could not be played using a pick,
And for a moment the pain is no longer so bad under the unrelenting whips....

Closed Gates

A Thousand

You want to sing a thousand songs,
You want to die a thousand deaths,
You want to right a thousand wrongs,
You want to laugh a thousand jests,
You want to build a thousand bridges,
You want to dry a thousand tears,
You want to sow a thousand stitches,
You want to quell a thousand fears,
You want to see a thousand lights,
You want to run on a thousand roads,
You want to end a thousand fights,
You want to crack a thousand codes,
You want to see a thousand shores,
You want to hear a thousand words,
You want to open a thousand doors,
You want to fly beside a thousand birds,
You want to free a thousand slaves,
You want to taste a thousand tastes,
You want to cause a thousand waves,
You want to help a thousand “wastes”,
You want to pray a thousand prayers,
You want to leave a thousand bags,
You want to forget a thousand cares,
You want to discard a thousand rags,
You want feel a thousand creams,
You want to grin a thousand grins,
You want to a have a thousand hugs,
You want to repent a thousand sins,
You want to drink a thousand mugs,
You want to kiss a thousand lips,
You want to dream a thousand dreams,
You want to sail a thousand ships....

Prayer Flare

"Let it Rain..."

Sheep Gazing, Deeply Amazing

Here it comes,
I see the sadness receding,
The heat pulsing through my cracked thumbs,
Yet it seems the darkness is ever impeding,
So I pray that you, my father, would wash it all away,
That these days will be last in the winter of my discontent,
For I wish not to be caught up in the meaning less high school fray,
I’m still wondering where all this time went,
I’m looking forward,
Yet happy in the place I was called,
No longer hiding behind glasses, books, and a hood,
Watching this world fall; appalled,
Scanning the hopeful horizon,
Like that shepherd boy playing his lone harp on a hilltop,
God once heard his cries and,
Came to his aid and was his rock,
Even when he one day strayed,
And as he fell to his knees in despair,
Angels of heaven were not far and they prayed,
Until he felt Abba’s mercy from his strongest tendon to the weakest fiber in his hair,
I pray for my deliverance from this world that is caving,
I ask that your sons and daughters you would forgive,
Souls I pray to be constantly saving,
Thats what it truly means to live...

Flowin' Poem

All the poetry I wrote today (yes....I know....I feel like I have forty-two personalities):

Thankful Anticipation

God, you rock,
The patient shepherd watching over his flock,
Even when I stray into the lion’s den,
You ignite in me a fire that flows through my pen,
Even when I lose the sight,
You open your arms wide and do not cease to invite,
Life is a never-ending mystery,
Through, you, God I can clearly see,
There is no spoon,
You put in me a joyous tune,
That cannot be brought down,
Not even by the gossip in this town,
I will never be bitter,
Even though I may jitter,
For I know I am in my chosen place,
You teach me to be patient; that slow and steady wins the race,
Despite my broken road,
Despite my heart that often feels like it will explode,
You bring my smile back,
Even when I haven’t quite got the knack,
I pray for more of your sovereign love,
That you will hatch in my heart the serene dove,
True “Hakuna Matata”,
Though I feel the end days growing hotta,
I do not truly see your full scope,
I still often grope,
About petty matters,
Putting my ear to the relentless chatter,
I care too much for the things of this world,
I know my true potential is still curled,
Hear my cry,
Make me the most humble of guy,
For I couldn’t last without your mercy,
And still I am constantly thirsty,
Show me who to comfort,
Help me pick myself up from the dirt,
So I pray that you lift me up,
That I would drink from your overflowing cup,
For you are first,
Even when I feel I’m cursed,
I know you are already by my side,
Because of you, I never have to hide....



Complacent in Mom’s Basement

I plan to write a poem,
I do not know what it will be about,
Maybe I’ll write in one of many eclectic forms.... except I don’t know ‘em,
Perhaps I shall write a masterpiece.... except I have all this self-doubt,

Instead I’ll write a book,
With complicated storylines,
With many dazzling and intricate characters.... except I wither with every doubter’s look,
Or what about one about a malignant ring... except I won’t be able to afford all the copyright fines,

I know- I’ll write a song,
Something that nobody has thought of before,
That has an amazing electric guitar riff... except that would mean I have to stop smoking the bong,
It’ll have cool electronic beeps.... except I have just one more glass of vodka to pour,

Yes- I’ll write a play,
Like a truly modern Shakespeare,
Snazzy dialogue zipping back and forth... except that would be the hard way,
Costumes lighting up the stage.... except I never makes’ it off my rear,

I keep saying to myself that I shall do these things,
That I will one day make something of me,
...Except I never have bothered to spread my wings,
I will never know what it means to be free...




Pariah Choir

How come every time I regain my joy?
The devil comes at me with a vengeance,
Why do I have to be the lonesome boy?
They can’t see through my chair; it doesn’t make sense,
Yet I know I don’t speak the truth,
Some do see passed my disease,
Yet I seem to be struggling claw-by-claw; tooth-by-tooth,
So I know these days are mine to seize,
And yeah, they could become my friends,
But they will never see me as their equal,
Yet you never know what will come around one of these bends,
But they don’t know who will inherit the earth: the meek will,
I will never have someone else’s head resting on my shoulder,
Indeed I am going around in circles,
Yet with every happiness followed by depression I feel colder,
I feel I must hide my head like those lonely turtles,
So God I ask,
That you bring me my joy again,
In your loving kindness I wish to bask,
For with them I’m only beggin’,
None of them could possibly understand,
Even my brothers seems to have left,
I have no clue of where to land,
My words fall on ears that appear to be deaf,
I’ve never known a brother or sister that hasn’t been distant,
All my bridges seem to be falling,
My repair crews are always met with resistance,
They all say that the place I am is supposed to be appalling,
I can’t seem to properly look on the bright side,
I always seem to see the bleak,
I have nobody here with me that is a guide,
I wish I could constantly stay on the highest peak,
For I’m always crashing,
I haven’t found what I’m looking floor,
I’ll never be among the handsome or dashing,
I always seem to be facing a slamming door...

Rockin' Dichotomy

Out with the old:

The Lost Hope
-The Crane

Every time I sit down to write,
I write about you,
But I’m gonna fight the urge with all of my might,
Even if I have to hold my breath until I turn Blú,
So I won’t even mention you with the most vague of metaphors,
I won’t even talk about other people; when I’m really talking about you,
Because every time we Cross paths it feels I’m just crashing into closing doors,
I keep on waiting for the sunset to take on a different hue,
I keep on wishing the birds would fly in a different direction,
That I’d finally be able to truly find you,
That when I gaze into a mirror I’d see more than just my own ugly and selfish reflection,
Instead I wake up to a world that is constantly unjust and eschew,
I try to find other things to preoccupy my mind,
So I try to be content with just watching you,
Yet as our eyes lock manacles constrict and bind,
They say I’ve sinned, so I went to confess in the pew,
And I felt God for a few fleeting moments of uninhibited flame,
But when he left all that was left were bitter memories of you,
Nothing in this life has ever left me feeling so lame,
And I feel rage felt only by a select few,
A rage that bubbles up inside like some kind of beast,
That won’t rest until he has you,
My mind won’t stop until his incessant howling has ceased,
The roaring inside my head just grew,
And I haven’t been able to stop writing,
Anger that was sparked by thoughts of you,
The voices that torment my temple have not stopped fighting,
I wish I could begin this all again anew,
But it seems I must let you be,
Even though no mortal’s beauty could compare to you,
I must have contentment; and that will set me free,
Yet none of the answers I’ve learned seem to be true....


In with the new:

Field of Queens

Lights dimmed low on a Friday night,
Rain and thunder rule as my chestfire begins to ignite,
Soaking spectators set sights on soccer,
Safe; no stains from the world or the deceptive mocker,
Youthful valkyries dart like beacons of hope,
Sparking joy in my heart before I fall into the dark slope,
When I was down,
They crowded round,
While one of their own has been felled,
They come to their aide; my frustration can’t help but be quelled,
Even when I fall into jealousy and self-pity,
But then you girls come and they’re are friends filling up my once lonely city,
You all share a unique gift,
You build bridges to this human rift,
Lady listeners,
Healing ministers,
I thank the heavens that we are all friends,
For because of you; I’m sure all my wounds will mend....

-Beloved

"Talkin' 'Bout My Generation"

Freinds...countrymen....lend me your ears!

(I didn't start this post with Dear Brothers....because I have people who are not a part of the male species...so I would not wish to exclude them...so I'm not gonna say to Brothers anymore...unless its something to do with guy talk (bom bom bom ba-dum bom bom ;))

Anyway...how is everyone doing? I hope we're doing alright....I've been up and down and all around....took my AP US History exam about two weeks ago...I feel pretty confident about it....but we'll see in July when I get my grade.....and last week I took my SATs for the first time...and I was sick (bleagh) so I'm really not confident about that...but hey.....come September....I can take it again....second chances are always a good thing.....lol....nvm........and other than that school is going pretty well......so yeah.....

Tommorow....my blog will have been in existense for a year. Happy First Birthday Phoenix Beacon! It's been a heaven of a year...lol....the fastest year that I have seen go passed....freshman and sophomore year dragged their feet soooo much...but this year...it was like...September......May.....YYYEEYYY.....it's been....an interesting Journey....voyage....it's probably been my easiest and my hardest year all at the same time.....the one with the most freinds...but also the one that I've felt the most lonely....the year that I've become really comfortable around girls....and also the year that I blubber and crash into things around them too...the hardest year academically....but also the year where I fell....hard....but where I picked myself up....
"Why do we fall, Master Bruce....So we can get back up...Alfred!"

To use a cliched Dicken's saying...it was the best of times, it was the worst of times! It's definetly been one heaven of a ride. So...to commemerate this blog's first birthday....I've decided to have....yup....you guys guessed it.......ANOTHER RANT!!! YESSSSS!!!!

So here goes: When I took my SATs....shhh...don't tell them I'm telling you the essay question...college board will come find me....Big Brother is watching.....anyway....it asked "are people who make the decisions in their lives, or is it their situations and society?" kind of a nature vs. nurture thing. And I had already been thinking about society's influence on us. (We're reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in English class...so yea....connections!!!) That got me thinking about my current generation......those that are within five years of me....both ways....and....I don't know. One word keeps on popping up in my head about my peers and others our age around the world....especially in America. You see, what annoys me most about those that are around me....usually...is the faults that I see in myself....sides of myself that I truly hate....that I wish to get rid of....so this is probably a product of that self-criticism...but it's Apathy. I mean, every generation before us has had a purpose....a reason....a cause....but now that we live in relative prosperity...for now....and we live in Westchester.....and most people agree with most other people on most everything....the biggest cause is whether we'll get to see American Idol tonight. I mean, there's no......I dunno....fire.........maybe it's because I'm a teenager...and I hang around teenagers most of the time (theoretically)..but it's like....they always seem to be talking about....other people's lives, or tv shows (scifi=0), or something to do with sex...like ooooo I like him sooo much...or hes soooo hot....and its like WAKE THE FRACK UP PEOPLE! WAKE UP DAVID....PICK YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR OSTRICH HOLE....AND GO HELP SOMEBODY....GO FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN....(SOMETHING OTHER THAN FEMALES OR MALES) WAKE-UP PEOPLE....THE WORLD'S ABOUT TO GO TO WAR....AND YOUR WORRIED THAT SOME DIPSTICK GOT KICKED OFF AMERICAN IDOL....I MEAN HEELLLLOOO...ANYONE HEAR BOUT THE DA VINCI CODE...I MEAN...IT SEEMS OUR WHOLE SOCIETY IS ABOUT KNOCKING PEOPLE....THINGS DOWN....EVERYTHING....NO MATTER WHAT THE BELIEFS ARE....O...YOUR GAY.....OOO...YOUR WEIRD.....LETS MAKE FUN OF YOU (I'M GUILTY OF IT TOO)...OOO....CHRISTIANITY.....OOO...LETS MAKE UP SOME GARBAGE AND WRITE A BADLY WRITTEN BOOK ABOUT JC AND MARY HOOKIN UP...OOO.....SCANDAL....OOOO....SHOCK HORROR.....JESUS AND OPRAH? OOOOO.....LETS JUST BE SO COMPLETELY PC AND SYNICAL THAT WE LOOSE ALL TOUCH WITH HUMANITY!!!
whoah....don't kno where that came from...anyway...I dunno...its like...every generation had their fight.....for centuries it was the clan...the family.....then it was the loss of faith with war in the '20s....the FDR "we'll try something...and if that doesn't work we'll try something else" mentality of the thirties, a clear cut good guy bad guy war during the forties, the civil rights and youth rebellion of the fifties and sixties....the geek/disco movements in the seventies.....the punk rebellion in the 80s....atleast the 90's Generation X had a spokesperson in Cobaine....even if he did.....well......
But now....its just....i go up to people...I feel no connection...its like....hi.....hi....wassup......wassup....ntm.....ntm....end of conversation...or I'm tired....EVEN THE PRINCIPAL OF MY SKOOL SAID THAT TO ME....IM LIKE WASSUP...HES LIKE....TIRED....AND ITS JUST LIKE....UGHH......people just go from class to class...in apathy..or just (ooo..did she see that drool particle roll down my cheek...o dear...she did....ooo...she thinks im an ass)...its just soooo....uggg......frivolous.....
There's just no spiritual feeling...I want that spiritual joy all the time....but I can't feel it...I wanna put a fire in these people...and tell them...hello....WAKEUP....REVELATIONS IS UPON US.....JESUS IS COMING....AND ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO ADDED GOSPELS AND BELIEVED IN ALL THIS CORRUPTION IN THE GOVERNMENT AND WITH IMMORALITY (YES...ALL OF US)...AND THOSE WHO DON'T KNEEL TO THE KING....ARE GONNA BE TRAMPLED..but its just like...'
I go into that school....and the opression is like a prick in my ballon....just PPPPPPPPSSSSSSHHHHHHHTTTTTTTT....u kno? I dunno.....I'll see some of you saturday night.....I invited a freind...dunno if she'll come....we shall see.....

That's all I gotta say about that...
Harbinger

The Leavetaking

The older leave,
The younger take over,
We must not grieve,
As they disappear behind the shrouded clover,
They pass on the mantle,
As they are freed,
Many doubt we can handle,
We just aren’t made from the same breed,
They seem so happy and carefree,
They pass through the door,
They hand us the key,
These past years seem like such a war,
The changing of the guard,
As the elders go galloping to greener gables,
As flowers blossom in the yard,
The school will be full of sullen; silent tables,
Old friends pass through,
New friends are looking for guidance,
Yet we are still tangled up in the murky blue,
And our distorted defiance,
Yet the ships set sail on the morrow,
And the farewells have already begun,
So our hearts are filled with sorrow,
As their masts disappear behind the sun....

The Beloved Miracle

I don’t thank you; as I should,
All my prayers up to this point seem so hollow; as if wood,
I want to feel your love constantly cascading,
I’m in the right pool, but I’m still just wading,
Your love is water to my parched heart,
Your love I know will never depart,
You cover me with mercy,
Even when my thoughts aren’t on you with the right fervency,
So I will praise your name on high,
“Till the day I die,
For you give me a willing spirit,
On my soul your mark has been writ,
I’ve grown in the last year,
I’m letting go of all my fear,
Tomorrow I pray that you give me strength,
That I may strive through the whole school’s length,
Without you love and kindness I would be running,
But instead I can feel my healing coming,
Under your banner of white,
Gaining disciples and might,
The enemy will surely be trampled,
All his malicious plans dismantled,
And I will praise you in my prayers,
Send me more souls to be taken into my cares,
I don’t care about the world,
Send me to those who are hiding and curled,
Let me be your bundle of joy,
I am your little glad-iator to deploy,
So I’m still smiling,
While Satan’s minions are still defiling,
And I pray for all the wayward and lost,
I smile as I see all the bridges I have yet to cross,
One brick at a time,
Turning water into wine,
They will see your miracle,
Your loving poetry is vibrant and lyrical,
All the dead and dying in me you have rubbed,
And I am forever your humble Beloved....

Stain Glass Mass

We think we are baptized and renewed,
Yet our perception is so skewed,
We think we know all the answers,
But really we just find new cancers,
Many search for the truth,
But even the wise are spiritual youth,
We have this idea of rigid rhythm,
So much so that we got lost in this futile schism,
Our so-called differences have set our brothers apart,
We have lost touch with our mind; with our heart,
Saying we are walking the righteous path,
Lost in our delusions of this ethereal math,
We see what we want to see,
Never really seeing the full fee,
We have no idea what we really believe,
So we cling to false hope and grieve,
We can’t see past ourselves,
Can’t see where the kingdom of heaven dwells,
We muddle through this life,
Until we fall under someone’s knife,
We settle with complacency and murky sages,
When really the equations are so simple on destiny’s pages,
So we look; we search,
We then lock ourselves in this denominational church,
Where love is chained and oppressed,
Where our restless hearts never truly rest,
Where the wise men tell us exactly who they think Yahweh was,
Yet all we hear is this babbling buzz,
Then they argue with one another,
And the foundations they built are torn asunder,
Disillusionment seeps through the once revelatory walls,
Everybody tries to see where their going while ignoring the others’ calls,
And they have to find their way alone,
Because all their friends and support are now blown,
And we doubt our faith,
The angels now just seem like faint wraiths,
If the wise can’t even see your love,
Then how can serenity fill this troubled dove?

Litany of Epiphany

It’s something that comes upon you suddenly. Without warning, the thought dawns on you. The epiphany explodes out of your dormant consciousness. A random flame of empowerment and faith emerges from the murky sea of old wounds and self-doubt. You’ve been doing things wrong all these years.
Before this you were waiting for something. Something to appear as you turned every corner. Someone waiting for you to caress you amidst your troubles and your trials. You were sitting there all your life; wishing it could be better. Praying that things had been different. Wishing that you were better than you were. Smarter than you were. More eloquent than you were. Less hopeless than you were. You’ve gone through your life like a blind bird flying through the darkness and the shadows. You’ve been bashing against the walls, trying to break out of your “cage”. You’ve cried to the heavens, you’ve tried to reach out to other people, and nobody seemed to hear or even care. You started going through life with a chip on your shoulder, bitter, silent, dead. You seemed to accept your lot in life, hoping...wishing.... that it would your life would improve on its own, that things will one day...eventually...work out. You tried to convince yourself into thinking that it was self-imposed seclusion, but you couldn’t hide from yourself for long. You then became an empty shell, embittered with the world, wanting to end all your pain...wanting to end all your sorrow. You shrank away from people. You secluded yourself from contact with others. You conformed to non-conformity. You had hit the bottom. You got so low and so angry that you could not have conceivably gotten any lower. You felt you could do nothing to change your life, could not fix your situation, and you just gave up.
Then, through your disillusionment, through your anger, hope ignited. Hope, that undeniably vibrant emotion. Hope, that quality that is the very core of our humanity. You finally realized...that.... maybe.... just maybe.... you can improve your life.... improve yourself.
You realize that even if you couldn’t help what has happened to you in the past...you can help what happens to you in your future. You see that life may not be fair...but at least its not over. You have the power of choice. You have the power to rebel against your oppressor.... rebel against yourself. You have the power to say your sorry for what you’ve done. You can’t understand how it has taken you this long. You know you have to learn the lyrics to a different song. You understand...finally.... that you can become stronger, become better than who you are. You can change. It doesn’t matter if things may not totally work out exactly the way you planned.... but it doesn’t matter... because at least you tried. The people around you may not react positively to the new you... but you don’t care anymore. They have no power over you. You are you.... you know who you are. The light has flooded into your once dark room.... and you have hope, love, faith.... and serenity...again. You may be battered.... you may become battered.... without a doubt you will get battered.... even more battered than now...but you know you can get through it. You’ve seen it among the tales and stories of mythic heroes that have inspired you all your life. Well.... now it’s your turn to be the hero. You’ve been hiding in the dark...in the shadows too long.
Let the world know who you are. Let the world see the truth. Let the world see the light burning in your beautiful eyes. And yes, they are beautiful, because they are yours. You have the power to overcome this hurdle, whatever it may be. If they laugh, let them laugh. You will grow and mature, and they will stay wallowing in their hog slop. You will become who you were born to be. So fight back. Weather this futile attack. And don’t worry.... you won’t be alone in your daily struggle. So, pick up your sword, and strum the triumphant chord....

The Undiscovered Anguish

The Undiscovered Anguish

You’re so pretty,
I wish I could be witty,
But when I see your shiny face,
It feels like I just got bashed with a spiked mace,
So I’m wondering how lucky are my dice,
I got them at a hobby shop at a discount price,
They’ve survived me many dungeons,
I hope you don’t mind me sitting next to you at luncheon,
You are such a goddess,
Will you come with me to watch for Nessie at Lochness?
I know I’m a geek,
But at least I don’t reak,
Come over to my house and watch the Trek marathon,
Please come to the next comic book con,
Man, I’ve fallen for your good looks,
It’s worse than they describe in the books,
Every night my heart aches,
You’re like Buffy piercing me with your pointy stakes,
I wonder if you will ever see me; the piece of space trash,
I wish I were roguishly handsome like Solo or Ash,
This must have been what Jabba felt,
Until his love strangled him with that belt,
Yet your Jedi mind tricks work,
And I can’t help but lurk,
You won’t even read this,
I guess that’s the greatest diss,
So I say goodbye for the forty-second time,
I’ll go drown my sorrows in grails of wine,
Maybe tomorrow you’ll pity the poor hobbit,
Or I’ll just fall deeper into the Sarlaac pit,
I will never forget your smile,
I wish I had the Tardiss so I could turn back the dial,
I’ll just have to keep flyin’ all alone in the black...
O Frack!

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine

WASSUP BRUTHAS?

So...this is just kind of a sequel to my last post. I was really confused about that whole school class thing. So I called Greg (down in Kansas City) to ask him some advice about it. And as soon as I call him he's like...I;m watching this thing by the Veggie Tales about Persistence and fighting even when times get tough. And there was God...again.....the train slamming right into me.....OVER ME....AGAIN! And I just started to smile and laugh. And so I told Greg what was goin' on...and he was like Don't Quit....and I already knew God didn't want me to...so I conceded..finally....after like three days. Then Greg says that its better it happened like this....its like starting over again...only this time its a good thing...because Itll be what I truly want to study and research. He said that I had to come up with a topic that I would be interested in studying....and that suggestions from people wouldn't help. So I prayed about it....and God helped me to find something that I am interested and passionate about. (It deals with Plotline Archetypes...ask if you want detail...haven't fully flushed it out yet.....but I will) And that's why the Shadow Proves the Sunshine...this whole thing this weekend has increased my faith....cuz I prayed to God...I was like...God you gotta prove yoursefl to me...you gotta give me persistence, strength, and hope .....and he did! ABBA Rxrs my Bxrs as we say online. So yea.....Oscars......be on....so I b going...to eat popcorn while watching Soddom & Gammora...but thats another story....

Mountains on the Path

Hey peoples. Sorry I haven't posted in such a long time. But I'm back....I need some advice/suggestions on two main things (important things this time). Keep praying. Please :)

The first has to do with an extra class I've been taking for about a year and a half now. Its this science research project that goes on for three years of high school, and its this whole self-motivation thing. I don't know why I applied for it in the first place, but thats all in the past now. I've been doing it on Bird Social Communication up to this point. Real exciting, huh? (That's supposed to be a cynical comment....btw) I never really wanted to do that subject...but I kind of let myself get bamboozled into it (I guess thats what I thought the teachers wanted). So I had a meeting with one of the teachers on Friday, and I had done some work, but not enough, because I wasn't really motivated to do it, and I just wasn't into my research. So he was angry at me....and he could tell that I wasn't passionate about my topic...and he thought that maybe it would be better if I either quit the program or do something that I am passionate about (Creative Writing Scientific Research for example) But that would mean starting over at square one a year and a half ago, and I'mnot doing that. And I dunno if it would be time better spent honing my writing skills. Or maybe I'm just being lazy and running away from my problems. I just dunno. And speaking of writing, thats the other thing I've been wanting to talk about...
Today was the third day (during the past couple of weeks) that I tried to write a short story and even though I have ideas for characters and stuff, I just haven't been able to write anything. This has happened with my poetry too, its all become the same content....I whine in my poetry about the same crap over and over again....and It was pissing me off so I stopped writing. I'm not sure if I've lost confidence....I dunno bout anything anymore. Maybe I'm just not being persistent in the right things.

Please Pray
Dave

Midnight Musings

Samuel

The demon crept up behind him, whispering in a long forgotten language. Its feline-like eyes flickered maniacally in the candlelight. The air seemed to ice over as the demon pressed its disfigured face against the boy’s. The demons’ claws scraped across the wooden table, peeling wood shavings onto the cold floor. Long, yellowing fangs protruded from its mouth. Saliva trickled from the dark one’s mouth, forming a red pool at its victim’s feet. The boy’s eyes shifted back and forth quickly, as if he was trying to contemplate what he was about to do. The demon continued to whisper into the boy’s ear, its forked tongue flicking seductively. A bitter smile crossed the youth’s face, as if what the demon’s words sounded appealed to him. He slowly reached for the revolver that lay in front of him on the table, struggling to pick up the unfamiliar weapon. The demon folded his dark wings and talons around the boy, and it began to chant a haunting chorus. As the chanting strengthened, the boy’s trembling hand moved the revolver to his head. His face began to grow contorted, angry, and lost as the demon smiled viciously. The gun was now aimed directly at his head. From his eye there came a burst of light, casting all the murkiness that had been there before to scatter. Something deep within him began to stir. He remembered a vague memory; the long-lost remnants of a strong feeling. An extremely strong feeling of complete and total warmth came over him. It was like he was being cradled by someone, and they were comforting him. The demon began to scream and chant rapidly, knowing that it was losing the battle. The boy’s eye shone with a light that had been lost in them since he had been born. The boy placed the gun back down on the table, and turned to the frantic demon. “No.” He said quietly but firmly. A being of light appeared on his other, right hand side, its brightness beyond anything of this Earth. The angel’s wings rustled, a sound like that of a thousand harps playing up above in the heavens. His long bright white hair and robes seemed to drift in an ethereal breeze, as he smiled at the human. It was like no other smile the boy had ever seen, that filled with truth, love, and compassion. The demon, upon seeing the angel, gave a shriek of pain and anguish, vanishing back into the shadow realms. “Thank you.” Said the boy. The angel shook his head, saying: “It was not us, it was you.” Rising from his chair, the boy turned to the door behind him. Bowing to the angel, he opened the door that had been behind him. A man walked out the other side.

Football Furies

So it’s over! The last game has been played. The players have all gone home. The Bus has made his last stop...his home. The Lombardi Trophy is made of steel...for now. (Anyone for Cheddar? ;) The last referee has been taken out back and shot....just kidding. :)
Following the debauchery that was Super Bowl Extra Large, football fans are left disheartened for the future of athletic competitions. Are football games from now on to be decided by little old men wielding little yellow flags? Did legalist zebras clip the Seahawks’ wings? During the first quarter of the Toilet Bowl, the referees called back a touchdown pass from Seahawk’s quarterback, Matt Hassleback (a Favre protégé, I might add ;) to wide receiver Darrell Jackson, stating that there was “offensive pass interference.” Apparently Jackson had “pushed off” Chris Hope, the safety that was defending him. Not only did the refs do this to the already struggling Seattle team, but also later in the “game”, another Seahawk touchdown was called back due to a phantom holding penalty.
To answer the question every gridiron guru asked on Sunday, I believe that even though the Seahawks were handed the short end of their beak, the Steelers should have one anyway. The Steelers outplayed the Seahawks, especially during the second half. It was evident who was going to win by the end of the second play of the third quarter. (yawn...) Even before then, on the last possession of the second quarter, the failure of the Seahawks to manage the clock effectively was part of the reason why they lost the “game”. Especially after the example of the infamous Cowher trick play executed by Randle-El and Ward, it was obvious Pittsburgh deserved to win the “contest”. In the end, the Steel City prevailed over Grunging Ground. (Though I still enjoy bitching about referees, even when I was rooting for the Steelers :))
So now we turn our attention to the 2006 NFL Draft with new prospects like Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, and Vince Young. The Texans are set to pick first, followed by the Saints, Titans, Jets...and then my beloved Green Bay. I just have one thing to say about Green Bay (I’m sorry...I have to.) Even though the last Packer game of the season seemed as though it was going to be the last for our fearless leader.... I still say....
ONE MORE YEAR!!!!

Nu Dai

Beacon Blog, Webdate January 29th, 2006.

Hehehe....like that, my little play on the generic Star Trek openers? Ok, nevermind....um....I haven't got much to write about....so I'll just see what comes to my mind that I can scribe down. I'm currently reading this book: Tales Before Tolkien, The Roots of Modern Fantasy, which has got some cool short stories in it (ones that supposedly inspired the master of fantasy). So that's interesting, I'm finally reading again. And I wrote some poetry last night (see previous blog), so I'm back on the skald/scribe track...if there even is one. I'm doin' better in school....brought up my Ap us grade from a D to a B...which is good improvement...gonna keep it up.....and all other classes are pretty much under control. So yup....

Not really sure what else to talk about....tryna start a pen&paper RPG....can't find a game master though....so it may take some time....alas...I ramble....o well.....other than that not much is goin' on. I've gotten into the show Babylon 5, saw all of Season 1, which is pretty good, nice intergalactic diplomacy stuff...I like it....the characters are well drawn out too...so that's pretty interesting. Anyway...

That's all I have to say about that

Daitanis